Unlikely pilgrim's tale

Hazard (warning)!!!

2008-07-23T14:05:00.002+03:00

This is a Surgeon General warning: taking me seriously is harmful in a multitude of ways. Do not (never ever!!!) take me seriously. I'm serious (I know there is a contradiction here), even if it might cost you your dear life: do not take me seriously. I don't take myself seriously, so follow suite and do the same (when in Rome ...). One last time: taking me seriously hurts me in ways you can't even imagine. So as a personal favor: don't take me seriously.

Thank you :-)

There's a reason why I wrote the warning, maybe I will post about it some other time ...

price of love

2008-07-15T03:06:00.002+03:00

Most people I know will give a baffled look back when you ask them what love is. I have a good explanation, but it probably only relevant to me so I will keep it to myself. Why am I bringing up the subject of love. Has anything extraordinary happened in my life that deserves a post at 3AM? Nothing exciting or new to write about. So why am I writing about it?
Because I just came back from the vet. Schori's vet to be precise. It started earlier today when I noticed that he's not being himself and kind of squashed. When I got home neither of my dogs noticed I came back and they weren't waiting at the gate for me. Strange, but hay it's Israeli summer so they probably kept themselves in the shade at the entrance of the house. I took them out for a long walk. Schori didn't seem too enthusiastic about it, but again I thought the heat was the cause. He kept on being squashed after the walk and I started getting worried. Nothing I offered made him try and move. The only thing was when I offered to go out on another walk. I took some tennis balls with me and he was willing to play fetch for a long time so everything seemed back to normal. I went to bed and about an hour after I fell asleep I woke up because of the room's light. I checked on him again and he was squashed even more. A few minutes passed in which I tried to asses the situation. I ended up calling the vet and meeting him at the clinic. It turned out that Schori had low blood count in everything. Which means 1 of 2 things: He was poisoned. A neighbor threatened me last week, indirectly of course, that my dogs will be poisoned if I don't keep them away from the fence (literal translation), or he developed Lyme decease from a tick's bite. The vet currently thinks that it's probably case of Lyme decease more than poisoning (especially since my other dog doesn't show any symptoms of poisoning). This isn't good for me on a personal level: in trying to separate Schori in a fight with another dog he, accidentally, bit me in the leg pretty badly. I told the vet about it, but he assured me that if he does has Lyme decease he didn't pass it to me. I hope he's right.
So what is the connection to the subject? When we love someone we do things that on a normal sercomstance we would think it's crazy to do, including spending tons of money. To date Schori has cost me roughly 7000 USD in the last 6 months. A hefty price. I'm not regretting the expense even a bit. I'm actually worried that the reason for it will disappear.
Stay tuned. This isn't the end of the story, just the end of this post ...

Hilarious

2008-06-17T12:31:00.003+03:00

I'm home sick (just a bad case of the flu :-( ) and while sitting here my dog Boni (I adopted a second dog, I'll post about it some other time) was lying somewhere in the living room. An innocent spider was crawling on the floor in her direction. At a certain point the spider reached her. She looked at it, tried to smell it and squashed it, probably by mistake. Since that moment that poor spider has been lying dead on the floor. The hilarious part of it is that it turns out that Boni is scared of spiders. Since she squashed the poor spider she has a scared look in her eyes. She moved away from where she was lying to various places in the living room a few times. She lies down trying to minimize the space she's occupying. The first thing she does in every place she chooses is to look in the spider's direction. If she sees it she gets up and looks for a new place. Until now she moved about 6-7 times: From a little bit away from the spider (her first move), to trying to hide under my computer desk (no space there), to the other side of the living room. The spot she's currently in is behind Schori (my other dog) so that Schori is blocking her view of the spider. Time to go pick up the spider from the floor.
A dog scared of spiders ... LOL :-)

countdown

2008-06-02T18:13:00.003+03:00

The clock has started ticking ...
I just read an email that was sent from the kennel in south Florida. Schori was shipped out an hour and half ago. After 37 hours he'll land here (given that there aren't any problems en route). and I will be taking him in 39 hours from now.

I just hope I'll remember to breath between now and then ...

a compliment

2008-05-31T18:06:00.004+03:00

People usually look at me and tell me that I'm childish. True, in my better days I'm a 6 year old kid (at best ;-) ). The sa(i)d people usually say it in a negative way. Yesterday someone actually said it as a compliment. The compliment came from someone that I, actually, take seriously: my 10 and 8.5 year old nieces ...
On the way to bring the dog (see previous post) my nieces asked their mother (my sister) who's younger: me or M. (my younger brother). My sister told them that M. was younger by 6 years. They found it hard to believe and had a hard time agreeing with the fact. Their point in the objection: I act much more young at heart than M ...

Thank you R. and T. for the compliment!!!

an oximoron

2008-05-31T17:14:00.002+03:00

I have the following basic truth (personal belief): Doesn't matter what it is: It will have a better life and a better end if it's out of my reach. I know it's a crappy belief. I know that if we look around at the world than this basic truth would be right of 99.9% of human kind (shit, I'm like everyone else ... ;-)) This basic truth exists because I expect more than the accepted average (which is way too low) and I know that I'm usually not capable of delivering what I dim as acceptable standard ... Don't wait for me to change in any direction to try and resolve this, it's not going to happen!

About a year ago my sister decided to add a dog to the house hold (getting her to the model home: 3 kids, a dog and a cat). Being a good Samaritan she decided to take a dog she felt didn't get the good life it deserves ... She adopted a female dog that was chained 24x7 and ignored.
As any other animal that tries to adapt to its environment this dog got used to not having any freedom at all. Once she moved to my sister's house it became a somewhat wild and uncontrollable wrecking havoc in anything she had access to ...
This created strain on my sister and more than once she thought of giving up, and giving her away (as much as it would pain her and her daughters to do so). The first time I heard about the problem was when I was about I didn't have the possibility of helping, other than giving my wisdom: take the dog to a professional trainer. My sister had her doubts about the solution and reject it. A couple of months passed and my sister decided to find a new home for the dog and went to one of the places where people that want to adopt pets come to meet people that want to give away their pets. There she met a professional trainer, to whom she told the situation. He told her that with some basic training the dog can be taught and be put under control. It mostly worked and for the most part the dog calmed down.
In one of the times we talked about it I told my sister that if she would decide to give the dog away I'd be willing to adopt her, without thinking of the consequences of adopting the dog.
Eventually my sister realized that she has too many obligations on her plate and had downsize the operation. The only real thing that could taken of the plate was the dog. My sister called me and asked if my offer still stands. Backing off from an offer is never an option! So I told her: sure, but because I just moved to a new place that wasn't ready to accept a dog (just yet) it would take a couple of weeks. 3 weeks later I called my sister and told her that she can bring the dog to my place. Yesterday it happened. My sister came to visit me at my home to bring the dog over. So now I'm the proud owner of a new dog: her name is Boni, she's a mixed 2.5 year dog. Right now she's still trying to understand the sudden change that has happened to her, but she seems mostly content with the new arrangement.
I haven't given up on Schori. I still don't have him here, but if there won't be any more delays (because of paperwork) or accidents, I will (finally) be getting him this coming Wednesday :-)
It will be interesting to see if he's going to accept the fact that there's another dog around.

RIP ...

2008-05-19T11:10:00.002+03:00

Following someone's smart suggestion (a hell lot smarter than me :-) ) ...

Got no place to go
but there's a girl waiting for me down in Mexico
She's got a bottle of tequila, a bottle of gin
And if I bring a little music I can fit right in
We've got airplane rides
We got California drowning out the window side
We've got big black cars
And we've got stories how we slept with all the movie stars
I may take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drink my worries down the drain
And fly away to somewhere new
Hop on my choo-choo
I'll be your engine driver in a bunny suit
If you dress me up in pink and white
We may be just a little fuzzy 'bout it later tonight
She's my angel
She's a little better than the one that used to be with me
Cause she liked to scream at me
Man, it's a miracle that she's not living up in a tree
I may take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drive this little girl insane
And fly away to someone new
Everybody's gone
They left the television screaming that the radio's on
Someone stole my shoes
But there's a couple of bananas and a bottle of booze
Oh, well happy new year's baby
We could probably fix it if we clean it up all day
Or we could simply pack our bags
And catch a plane to Barcelona 'cause this city's a drag
I may take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Flush my worries down the drain
And fly away to somewhere new
Take a holiday in Spain
Leave my wings behind me
Drive this little girl insane
Fly away to someone new
Fly away to someone new
Fly away to someone new

If you understand the post: Thank you. If you don't: don't come asking questions as there won't be answers ....

'nough said

Manifesto

2008-05-07T12:10:00.002+03:00

If I had to think about what would be good manifesto to represent the unlikely pilgrim in life the following would be it:

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97:

Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen
would be it. The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been
proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no
basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will
dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. Oh, never mind.
You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth
until they've faded. But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look
back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp
now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you
really looked. You are not as fat as you imagine.

Don't worry about the future. Or worry, but know that worrying
is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing
bubble gum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things
that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you
at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing every day that scares you.

Sing.

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. Don't put up with
people who are reckless with yours.

Floss..

Don't waste your time on jealousy. Sometimes you're ahead,
sometimes you're behind. The race is long and, in the end,
it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. If you
succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch.

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with
your life. The most interesting people I know didn't know at
22 what they wanted to do with their lives. Some of the most
interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them
when they're gone.

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe you'll have children,
maybe you won't. Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance
the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. Whatever you
do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself
either. Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's.

Enjoy your body. Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of
it or of what other people think of it. It's the greatest
instrument you'll ever own.

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them.

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone
for good. Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to
your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the
future.

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few
you should hold on. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography
and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need
the people who knew you when you were young.

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard.
Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you
soft. Travel.

Accept certain inalienable truths: Prices will rise. Politicians
will philander. You, too, will get old. And when you do, you'll
fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable,
politicians were noble, and children respected their elders.

Respect your elders.

Don't expect anyone else to support you. Maybe you have a trust
fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when
either one might run out.

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it
will look 85.

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who
supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way
of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting
over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen.

If you think you know it, you probably do. It was turned into a popular song by Buzz Leherman. There are various stories about the origin of the speech, but the most convincing one can be found in the URL: http://urbanlegends.about.com/od/dubiousquotes/a/vonnegut_2.htm

enlightenment

2008-02-24T11:36:00.003+02:00

A couple of weeks ago I wrote a lengthy email to a friend. That email summarized why I decided to make the change I decided recently in my life. Another friend who read the email said that the email was no less than enlightenment moment for. This email was the only complete and (somewhat) coherent explanation to the sudden change of chosen path. Every one else only received bits and pieces of the email. To make myself completely (un)clear I'm posting the email here. Maybe you will understand me, maybe you won't, but you will have the complete reasoning :-)

Over the 36 years I've been living there were numerous signs along the way of what drives me and what I'm passionate about. For years I misunderstood or ignored the signs. Not for/from personal malice, but rather because they would take me down the road of the impractical life (god knows how hard my mother tried ti instill in us to be practical in life), down the road to personal uselessness. To never amount to anything and be labeled a failure: fall down to oblivion. So I developed the notion that my passion and life contradicted each other. But the kid in me never forgot what he's passionate about. I thought that I will one day do it, when I don't have anything else to do and everything else is done in my life (obviously that rarely happens, but one can always dream of reaching it or delude himself that he's on the right track to get there ;-))
I started reading a new book that I bought, titled: "Uncle Petros and the Goldbach conjecture" (to which my 10 year old niece asked her mother (my sister): why are all his books about Mathematics? :-)). While reading the book my mind drifted from the story to my own life. To those signs that crossed my life. When I grouped all those signs together, a full and clear pattern appeared. One that caused the kid in me to smile. It wasn't a simple smile. It was a whole smile (if it makes sense). A smile with full open mouth. The kind that I'm always ashamed to smile (supposedly because of my bad teeth). One that still (for the god know what time today) brings tears of joy to my eyes :-) when I think about it. When I decided to pursue my passion I was all of a sudden full of energy to run and do things. Suddenly my life was filled with purpose. The inner purpose that I always looked for and thought I didn't have. The kind that I thought that for some twisted reason I never developed. It turns out you were right and I was wrong: it did (and does) exist in me. It exist(s/ed) in a place I didn't think it would. In a place I knew interested me, but was so non main stream that I discounted of it.
I initially thought the book is a biography, but later on learned it's a fictional novel. But non the less looking at myself in context with the book acting as a lens, I know now that my eccentricities aren't unfounded and twisted that I need to be reprogrammed. That I need to get rid of the eccentricities. There is logic behind the "madness". There is order in the chaos. There is sound structure in me. I just had to look at it through the right lens.
A friend of mine told me a few weeks ago that she pains the fact that I don't have my own anchor and that I'm still drifting aimlessly in life (the drifting aimlessly in life is my addition). I feel now that found my anchor. I found the one thing that makes me feel safe. That doesn't scare me to expose myself. Be myself for the good, the bad, the ugly or just the plain weird: the 6 year old kid that is me :-)
I just hope that I'm not too late to start (about 18 years late that is) because there is an expiration date on my passion: 35-40 years. I'm just there. I hope that the kid in me is still only 6 year old and barely touched will give me the extension I need.

I wish we could have had this conversation face to face between us because then it would have simply exploded out of me to the real world instead of simply grownup in trying to make sense of the kid in me. With the ability I developed to to listen to the kid in me, the grownup in me accepting unconditionally the conclusions and resolutions that the kid in me is saying, and now he's extending a helping hand to pursue the passion. The beauty of this is that hand that is eagerly accepted by the kid in me. All of a sudden the voices and fears are silent, hiding, no where to be seen (gone?) in the open fields that are around me.
The road is long. The road is twisted. It will be hard. But I can see the road ahead. I like it and want to take it: time to enroll myself to university and study Mathematics seriously :-)
Since I'm a details person I need to be accurate: my passion isn't Mathematics. That would be too general ;-) My passion is numbers. The real and whole kind: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8 etc ... and to be more specific: prime numbers.

THE END (of he email).

a visit

2007-12-20T21:07:00.000+02:00

It's finally happening: I'll be in Israel all the month of January (I'm landing January 2nd and leaving January 29th). It's mostly work related (work is in Haifa) and I will be car less so going around will be a head ache, but I will make time to meet and greet :-)

See you soon

comfortable fit

2007-12-14T00:37:00.000+02:00

Sometime after I landed in south Florida I went clothes shopping with Dragnot and his wife in a local outlet mall. One of the items I bought was a pair of docker's relax fit pants. The waist's size was 33". Back then I was somewhere between 33 to 34" in in waist size and I thought that I will be able to keep my weight and even go down a little so those pants seemed like a good buy. What followed for the next year was a (lets say) "controlled" weight gain. At the pick of my weight gain my waist size went to 38 to 39" (almost the 40" waist I had back in Telmap's days). I was very displeased with the fact that I had to go back to wearing my old 40" docker's and only dreaming about being able to wear the 33" waist pants I had in the closet.
6 months ago I enrolled myself into the quick weight loss program (a program similar to weight watchers) and started dieting. I started losing weight quickly enough (there's even a post about me going under the 200 Lbs mark). Even though in recent weeks I've pretty much stopped with the program, my eating habits have changed enough to not only to keep my weight, but keep losing.
Come yesterday: I was wearing a 36" waist pants that when I opened the belt buckle simply fell off of me. I knew that these pants are now kind large on me, but falling to my ankle just like that I didn't expect. This was a sign for a bold move: take out the 33" docker's and try them on:
so doubtingly I took them out and thought that they wouldn't fit me.
I'm happy to write that I was proven wrong: they fit me perfectly!!! I was nothing short of amazed, happy and thrilled :-) I can't even recollect when was the last time that I was able to wear 33" waist pants.

160

2007-11-24T18:56:00.000+02:00

I like numbers (big surprise ;-)) and the relationships between numbers is a fascinating thing (known in Mathematics as number theory). But enough with BSing about numbers. The number in the title has a meaning for me. It's hard to believe but it's roughly the number of KM I rode on my bicycle in the past week.
I didn't do all of them at once, well at least not yet ;-) but rather over a stretch of 5 days. The longest ride was about 30 miles I did twice (that did happen in the same day). During the week I didn't think much about the riding and what it means, but while talking to a friend last Thursday it dawned on me: I rode 100 miles (which is 160 KM). Almost half way from Tel Aviv to Eilat :-)

requiem

2007-09-28T09:50:00.000+02:00

this post is more for me than anyone else and thus won't be understood by anyone but me.
This post is a requiem to something amazing that might have been, but didn't happen. Something that even though that it didn't happen I still want __very__ much to happen. Something that if it would have happened I would have said that I am complete. That I'm happy beyond my wildest dreams (and they are sometimes wild ;-))
But it didn't. That even it if in the future it would materialize, not that it stands chance of happening, but never say never ;-) I'll say: no thank you. To late :-(

I know there is a contradiction in this post. It will always be there ...

mistaken identity

2007-09-28T01:30:00.000+02:00

I was walking through a local mall. While I was walking around the dead sea cosmetics sales girl approached me and tried to woo me into buying their products. I initially didn't notice that she works for the dead sea cosmetics and just tried to ignore her. She asked me whether I know about their products. I initially told her no, but after noticing that it's the dead sea cosmetics I told her that I'm originally from Israel and started talking in Hebrew to her. She was stunned and kept saying that she didn't believe I was Israeli and that she always distinguishes between Israelis to non Israelis and that I didn't look like Israeli at all ... I found the whole situation very amusing :-)

each to his own

2007-09-22T17:00:00.000+02:00

Hi have this nasty habit of taking known words or sentences and use them in new contexts. It confuses others and more of then not makes them go uh??? This serves 2 things: 1. People misunderstand me reach the wrong conclusion, which leads to me having a little bit more of privacy and mystery (yeah right ;-) and 2. People are left with a puzzled face and me amused by their reaction. Only people that really know me understand the deep (and more often than not :-() hidden humor. The Title of this post is no different. Sue me ;-)
A few years back DBW went on vacation and one of the most striking things she found out is that McDonald's serve as very good public toilets. I would never believe that DBW would go into a McDonalds (and if she wants she'll post a comment on why) and thus found it very amusing that she found a use for McDonalds that no one did/does/will think about.
I finally arrived to San Diego, after driving all night (with a couple of stops to rest). On the way my super cell phone (which I will post separately about some other time) drained its battery and my laptop having limited access (gave back my verizon card, also about it in a separate post). I looked for a Starbucks coffee shop for the following reasons: 1. They open as 6AM (which means I was guaranteed they would be open). 2. They have free WIFI (which is how I'm connected to type this post) 3. They definitely will give you access to their toilet rooms and 4. They have public power outlets which means I'm not draining the laptop's battery and able to charge my cell phone too. I think it's a worth trade for the price of a "grande latte" (which is the most expensive one I ever bought through out the US). I bought it only out of courtesy only ;-) So from being lost in San Diego with no access to the information superhighway (anyone still using this term???) I'm now able to retrieve all the information I need in order to go see the air race (which is the reason I traveled from San Francisco to San Diego to begin with).
Thank you DBW for a great idea and thank you Starbucks for the service.

to go or not to go ...

2007-09-21T19:10:00.000+02:00

All my friends in south Florida observe Yom Kipur and fast. I don't so to escape the imposed boredom of having nothing to do because everyone around me are fasting and doing nothing I decided to fly to San Francisco for a long weekend (one that started on Wednesday night). On the way to San Francisco I learned that there's an air race sponsored by Red Bull in San Diego. Obviously it's the kind of events that one doesn't get much of a chance to see twice in his life, unless he makes plans for it and invests an arm and a leg in going somewhere around the world to see them ... So I'm sitting in my friends house contemplating how I'm getting from San Francisco to San Diego to see the air race. Actually I'm passed the point of contemplating weather I should go or not. I want to go, but the issue now is: cost: Flying is too expensive and renting a car to drive there is barely affordable. So the question at hand of to be or not to be (going) is up in the air and since it is a crazy idea to just go there (700 miles, ~1000 KM away) just for a few hours and 1 event. Time for decisions ... I'm not going to ask for yours because I know everyone I know would pass and answer: I wouldn't go. But there won't be another race in the US. The next one is in Perth Australia and I don't think Red Bull will sponsor one next year (they are notorious for stopping sponsorships the moment that they feel it has become mundane).

The decision has been made: I'm going. Anyone wants to join?

enermax

2007-09-12T04:00:00.000+03:00

A few years back I bought a case for my desktop at home. I wanted the case with the most space, strongest power supply I could find. I ended buying a full tower case from a company called Enermax. It cost me a fortune. At the time an average case was about 100NIS or a little more. I paid for my case more than a 1000NIS. It was worth it. I was able to stick in all the SCSI hard drives that I collected over the years: while everyone were buying 80GB hard drives my system had 48GB total spread over 9 hard drives :-) I put the most capable motherboard I could find (and had to beg to get it from a friend that didn't have anything to do with it), lots of memory. Even though not liking windows and trying to stay away from it, I ended up installing windows XP as it's primary OS (boooo ;-)) I loved that box so much that even though it was built from old (and sometime obsolete) hardware it was a very capable computer. I wanted to give it to my neighbor's kids when I left Israel, but they found it hard to operate (the hard drives were prone to fail once in a while) so they gave it to a friend of theirs that declared it a piece of junk.
I went to buy a super computer last Friday for my new business. On the face of it the hardware specs were impressive. But when I saw the case I didn't care about the hardware specs inside (those can be replaced anyhow). It's the same case I had on my computer at home in Israel :-) The same Enermax case.

Sweet ;-)

Gibrish

2007-08-25T06:33:00.000+03:00

I started this post early this morning when I came back from a local club with all the intent of taking advantage of my drunken state to write some gibrish. Almost 24 hours later and no alcohol in my blood I can't even comprehend how to write something gibrishy.
In one of the alrbergues on the Camino de Santiago I got so drunk that I lowered all my guards and just acted silly. The reaction I received from another pilgrim: I like you much more when you are like this. I didn't like as much but was too drunk to do anything about it.
It was supposed to be a quiet night at home tonight (being carless, I can't go far). I just recevied a phone call: we're going out to south beach and my friends are coming to pick me up. Time to go have fun, get drunk and act silly again :-)

Apology

2007-08-14T15:55:00.000+03:00

R. I hope you're reading this ...

I sincerely apologize with all my heart.

I hope you accept this apology. I know that I offended and hurt you. Please believe me that offending and hurting you wasn't something I wanted and is completely opposite to everything I ever intended.

I accept the consequence of my actions and I'm not trying to reverse the situation.

Please don't look for hidden meanings in this post because there are none beyond the sincere apology.

carless

2007-08-09T09:15:00.000+03:00

After a month of being in southern Florida it was obvious that I needed a car by myself and since it was agreed that as part of my job I will receive a car, I did receive one. It was kind of a trade in which P. received a new car (that he picked) and I inherited his old car (a 1991 Lexus LS 400). I didn't want to create an havoc so I accepted it even though it had a few major problems: it was leaking oil to the point that once every 10 to 14 days I had to refill the oil. The speedometer and odometer didn't work, so the speed limit was something I deduced from the speed of the cars going around me and last but not least the engine would start stalling when I reached a certain speed.
The last item is pretty funny because for a very long time I thought that the engine stalls at around 75 MPH, which is well less than what Florida Highway Patrol decides to stop you for speeding. One night I saw FHP lurking on the side of the road, I slowed down and drove just below the speed in which the engine stalls. They still stopped me for speeding and claimed that I was going 90 MPH. That night I learned that I actually reach 90 MPH. Oh well ...
A few months ago the car's AC broke and it would have cost $1.5K to fix it, so no one fixed and I was driving around without AC: think of Tel Aviv in the middle of the summer day and you pretty much understand what is the weather here almost year round. So driving without AC was pretty hard, but I didn't have a choice
Friday night, a week ago, we were going for Shabat dinner. Suddenly there was a sound under the car, like something hit the under carriage. A while later I saw that the engine heat was climbing and was very close to the red zone. We stopped on the side of the street and discovered that the engine was dry. We left the car there took a cab back to P.'s home and took his car. Later we picked up the car again and when we tried to fill the radiator with water we noticed that the water was running out from under the car. We filled enough to drive the car back to S.'s home. The day after I took it to a car shop and they informed me that the radiator needs to be replaced. Talking to the car owner he asked me to take it to another car shop. The other car shop quoted him $1500 to fix the radiator, AC and engine (that is losing oil at the same speed it burns gas). The owner of the car decided to not fix the car and sell it to a junk yard.
This left me without a car :-( Going around without a car here is next to impossible and my life have suddenly become really difficult. Since I'm leaving my current workplace I will need to buy a car myself ...

Reminiscing

2007-07-29T07:50:00.000+03:00

After the as real as it gets post I started reminiscing about my past relationships and what happened in them in regard to my behavior. I didn't get very far because I started and stopped with R. (the mythological ex, not the recent one).
Eons past since and I still remember a lot of things from that relationship. The relevant item from that relationship to the present is the fact that R. was attracted t0 me when I acted grownup: I was serious and kept a level headed approach to things. I was able to answer and give solutions to life's little troubles. The kind of trouble that hit you on an idle Tuesday afternoon. It was very rare behavior for me back then, and not because I wasn't capable but because I, simply, didn't want to behave like one. I was still in my early 20s and I wanted to have fun, the more the better and goofing around was about the only thing that I really wanted to do. After we broke up and stayed friends, there was a period in which I acted responsible and grownup. This behavior lasted until one evening when I was at her house she asked me: "Are you trying to make me fall in love with you?". Since I'm an honest guy I told her that I wasn't ;-) I never understood why, but I stopped behaving like a responsible grownup after she asked the question ... burying any chance of getting back together.

A light in the dark

2007-07-27T04:48:00.000+03:00

DBW comments to my recent posts made me look at things from slightly different angle. As always her comments are insightful and reach, and make me look, well beyond their stated intentions. Whether they have such intentions, or I make them up :-)
I found a difference between the child in me and the grownup in me that I never saw before. They both start from the same starting point: the control freak; the need to control in order to not lose the internal balance. Somewhere along the life of a person, one develops an internal balance that guides him all his life. For some reason, that is irrelevant for this post, mine is very small and easily pushed off. The child and the grownup take it in completely different directions.
The child tries to control situations and others by acting out and trying to manipulate others and situations. Most of the times the acts are misplaced and absurd and if they don't make things worse, they definitely don't help.
The grownup in me on the other hand does only 1 thing: tries only to control himself and lets everything else just be and happen with a tranquility and ease as if there is no other way. In reality there is no other way.
DBW: You're amazing. Thank you.

It's Thursday night. Time to go party :-)

200

2007-07-26T16:41:00.000+03:00

I wanted to post this when I hit 200, but with everything else going in my life missed the occasion. By now I'm already 5 less at 195. The details ...
One of the best things that happened to me in the pilgrimage in Spain was that I lost a lot of weight and DBW's prediction that I will come back half a pilgrim almost came true: I came back 3/4 of a pilgrim :-) I really liked the change and I tried to keep it, it wasn't easy but for the most part I was able to keep my weight down. That was until I started eating American restaurant food and stopped riding bicycles. They like to put sugar and/or corn syrup in anything to add flavor. Both of them very unhealthy and to a degree addictive (watch the documentary: super size me). My eating habits also changed to mostly eating foods reach with carbohydrates, which only made things worse. So slowly and surely I was gaining weight. It got to the point that I started getting back pains from long walks with my dog :-( It was time for action. I joined the gym. But not having someone watching me closely meant that I could slack about it and not really make an effort. So I went to a wight loss center called Quick wight loss. They guarantee you'll lose weight if you follow their program. What is the difference from any other? They watch you closely for the duration of the weight loss and for a year after. So for the last 5 weeks I've been going every other day to one of their centers to keep me on track with the plan (and some tweaks to the diet here and there). And as they promised: I'm losing weight. A nice perk to the plan is that even though I'm on a diet I can eat almost everything I want. There are restrictions, but they are pretty lose. The noticeable difference is that I can't eat foods reach with carbohydrates. In the past when I ate a food that was reach with carbs I would get an energy rush and about 30 minutes later I would get very, very tired. To keep the energy levels high I had to eat more crabs reach food. For this reason my life was an endless cycle of very high energy rushes (and if I over ate I would get a heat rush), followed by periods of extreme tiredness. Obviously it also affected my mood and mood swings (which I'm prone too without the bad diet). Since I've changed my eating habits, the energy rushes and slumps are gone. My mood swings are much less frequent not to mention that the intensity is down by a 100 fold. It's to the point that people see a very noticeable change in me, that is usually attributed to me leaving the current job. It isn't.
I coined a new expression that makes people smile if not laugh when I say it: I'm a recovering carbs addict ;-)
The goal is to reach 160 if not 150. So I still have a long way to go. Thus far it's a very nice road to go down on :-)

PS - All numbers here are in Lbs. There are ~ 2.2 Lbs in 1KG.

2 sides of the same coin

2007-07-25T21:21:00.000+03:00

After my pilgrimage in Spain. M., an old friend, noted that I was a very different person than she knew and remembered. She was both pleased and impressed with the change (and she liked my new me much more than the old one). I didn't really understand what she meant by it, because the only thing that I felt was different was that I didn't feel I was losing, and have to play catch up, in the rat race. As things are changing now in my life now and I try to make the most out of those changes, I'm noticing what M. was referring to ...
I have 2 parts in me that are very different (well I have more, but those are the most noticeable ;-)) from each other: 1. The child with the chip on his shoulder that thinks that everyone is out to get him and thus must be in control, fails, panics and retaliates. 2. The grownup that calmly looks at things, reacts. Hit or miss doesn't panic and doesn't retaliate.
I've noticed that the grownup in me enjoys life, while the child keeps fighting for his survival (or at least feels and thinks as much). A lot of times different people told me that they see potential in me. I never understood what they meant and thus I frowned (the child in me did) or thanked for the the compliment (the grownup in me did). I now know what they meant. Obviously acting as a grownup is much better than being childish. The question is: How do I get the grownup out more? The suggestion box is open and waiting ...

New directions (part 3)

2007-07-18T03:39:00.001+03:00

I don't want to go back to Israel. I want to stay here in the US. There is an option to do it. It's not an easy one, but I usually avoid taking the easy route of things and prefer the hard, more scenic and fulfilling route: I'm starting my own business. I had my own business in Israel. It was only me and it was pretty easy to work like that. I only managed myself, thus the overhead was very low and I asked for less money because of this and people are always willing to pay less, given the option. I won't have this luxury here: As part of the deal I have to employ local people in the company. No easy task. But I will learn and make it happen.
keep your fingers crossed

New directions (part 2)

2007-07-18T03:18:00.000+03:00

I now remember why I believed my friend when he told me that my soon to be ex employer "is the real thing" ... I have this, no small, draw back: I believe people and trust them before I trust myself ... If someone tells something about me, my instinct is to agree with him and later on reach the conclusion whether it's true or false. By the time I reach the conclusion it usually too late to bring back up the subject and talk about it. The funny outcome of this behavior is that people have all kind of misconceptions about me. I don't mind the misconceptions because it gives me some ground to play and keeps my privacy.
As I wrote above: My current employer will soon be my ex employer. I quit my job and now I'm counting the days. I'm trying to do the best job I can and close as many open issues I have on my desk as possible. But it's not easy. Not because I'm counting the days and don't want to be in the office: in many ways I will miss the office, the people and my work. But as much as I liked everything working there was next to impossible. It's the kind of environment that either you have an ego the size of the ozone hole over Antarctica or you don't and end up run around like a mouse on a Ferris wheel. I don't have the first and I don't want to do the latter. Thus the thing left to do is: leave work and find an environment where I will fit more.

New directions (part 1)

2007-07-11T08:32:00.000+03:00

While I still have what to write about the events of last weekend, I will spare you of it for now and write about something totally different ... Much happier, hopeful. Looking into the future :-)
I came to South Florida because of work. Not that I was missing anything in Israel, but a friend of mine told me: this is the real thing. I don't remember why I bought the argument, even though I knew that the "real thing" doesn't exist and can't exist. Still I got on a plane and landed in south Florida. After a rocky start I tried to fit in. For a very long time I felt out of place. the job was simply not what I expected and wanted. It was a mix of all the things I didn't want. I've known about this for over a year now (and you know about it to a certain degree from past posts) but I stuck around. Why? Because I thought the situation would change. It must change, otherwise it's not going anywhere and no one wants that.
But eventually I reached the conclusion that things won't change. Because for things to change people need to change, and people just don't change that easily (no matter what age they are in) if at all.
So I quit. I gave them my resignation letter and I was asked to retract it and rethink it. I did, still thinking that what caused me to quit would change now that the problems were surfaces. But I still failed to take into account that people don't change. After a few more happenings of the same sort I reach the conclusion that me and them need to part. For every one's best interest. So I submitted my resignation letter once again. This time it was final. No retracting the letter now.
I was more than fare: I gave them 3 months notice (local law requires only a 2 week notice) to make sure that they will find someone suitable, in the technical desert called southern Florida, and have a long enough time in which I can show him the ropes of the position. That was a month ago and no replacement in sight. Hopefully they will find someone quickly.
That was my old job.

world: thank you

2007-07-07T16:05:00.000+03:00

A while a go I posted an entry in which I asked the world to stop telling me that I'm a smart guy as I already knew it (how humble of me ;-)).
Than came a long silence in which the world didn't tell me anything: well I was hiding in a very deep cave busy blaming myself for almost everything possible. The world didn't really see me.
In the last few weeks that I started going out to clubs and having fun, women started commenting (in my face and to my friends) that I'm a sexy guy. More accurately that the glasses make me a sexy guy (uh?). It started with R. that told it to me a few times (typically to me: I frowned upon hearing it). But other women since have commented (without any prior conversation, or enticing by someone else) that the glasses make me look sexy. Until now I don't really know how to react to the compliment. Right now I thank the woman (if it's told in my face), blush and try to make a joke (usually a dumb one). Don't get me wrong, I know that I can be a handsome guy, but only when I take care of my self: being the right weight, dressing properly, and generally taking care of myself, unfortunately these things don't come naturally, yet. Sexy? Me??? I find it hard to believe this one. But if the world will keep telling me that, I will end up believing him and it (well somewhat).
As the title says: world: thank you.

Frequency

2007-06-27T07:40:00.000+03:00

As you might have noticed the amount of posts has increased considerably. This is due to the fact that I'm much happier than I used to be until now. I was told a week ago that I'm unhappy. It was said to me in a certain context, but it was true on all levels and all possible generalizations. I don't know if it's true for other people (I guess to some degree this is true for everyone) but when I'm unhappy I tend to close up and disappear into the shadows and when I'm happy I'm outgoing and confident as it can get.
I hope this happiness streak will go on for a while. A long while: the rest of my life. I deserve it ;-) Your added value will be many, many more posts.

a long weekend

2007-05-29T09:13:00.000+03:00

I'm just came back from Pittsburgh where I attended a American Jewish wedding of my best friend M from California. I will elaborate on my side of the wedding in a separate post later. Right now I want to talk about the Jewish part of the wedding. I admit I don't know what faction of Judaism they belong to and I don't want to sound judgmentable (even tohugh I know I am in this post) but as another Israeli that attended the wedding told me: It's a roman catholic wedding + Hupa. It indeed felt like it and even though I don't even consider myself Jewish it bothered me and still does when I think about it. Oh well ...

pure fun

2007-05-06T01:00:00.000+03:00

A couple of weeks ago I went out with 3 friends (guys) to a local Latin club called spice. We sat there and ate, drank and joked around, but as usual I felt out of place. Something was missing. Hint: Girls. Since I'm not an outgoing guy and thus don't simply make a pass with girls in a club.
Last night we went out to the same club again, but this time one of my friends invited a coworker and she brought her room mate. Initially I didn't think much about either and I thought it would be just another night that I felt out of place. Something (I know what it was, but it's a completely different story) got me started thinking about controlling situations to achieve perfection, control and perfectionism in general. I remembered a lesson that I learned on Camino de Santiago: control is an illusion and perfection is never achieved and life will pass me by if I will keep waiting for the perfect moment.
From that moment I decided to relent control and not wait anymore. I asked M. (the roommate) to dance with me. She agreed and even though I never danced Latin dances and I think I don't have the minimal coordination to keep moving to the bit of the music we got on the dance floor and danced, neither of us really new the steps but we tried. I don't care if we succeeded or not, we just danced and had a very good time.
Looking back it feel like nothing but pure fun. I needed it. Hopefully I will have many more times like this :-)

E.

2007-05-03T02:33:00.000+03:00

On the flight back from California I was sitting on the first row in the plane (I fly Jetblue and they don't have business or first class). The evening before the flight (I always fly redeyes coming back from California) I ate a seafood pasta dish. The seafood felt unfresh and it probably was because I got a stomach ache that bothered me all through the flight and a few days after. Usually when this happens people feel shitty as hell acompanied with the personal wish to die (yours truely included). Not this time ...
One of the flight attendants was a cute brunette. I couldn't get my eyes of of her. Luckly she didn't leave the front of the plane. I tried not to stare, but I kept failing. So at least I tried to do it descretely as possible. I know it's impolite to stare and unpleasent to be stared at, but I just couldn't get myself not to look at her. For the most of the flight she I think she didn't notice, but toward the end I think she did notice because she leand toward me and asked in a little bit hostile voice: "Do you want anything?". I was ready with a reply: "A soda please" (I had a stomach ache after all).
I can't get her out of my head since then. I've enrolled all the people I know to fly Jetblue and look for her and if they meet her to ask for her phone number for me.
To increase my chance: If anyone of the readers of this blog wants to help, contact me and I will give you all the details to help me out.
If you think you have to comment other than: "I want to help". Please keep it to yourself. I know all the discoureging pep talk and I'm not willing to read it.

Sea Otter clasic (requieme)

2007-05-03T02:23:00.000+03:00

Sea otter clasic is long gone, but people still ask me how it was. So here is the conlcusion. The standard reply to just about everyone: "Too good ...". Yes it was that good. Nothing beats Sunny, cold California for me. I was kind of an outsider to things: I didn't have a bicycle and I was alone. In addition I put a nice number of online hours by sitting in my car, computer connected to the car charger and me online, to the point that somone from the office asked me whether I did anything else. I did planty and the fact that I burned my skin atests to it (not that I pride myself in the matter. I don't like to get exposed to the sun).
The day after sea otter clasic I was still in California, basically doing nothing. Just going around and enjoying my favorite place on earth. The day did start with a bang: A network 3000 miles away crashed. So I had to invest a little bit in working remotely to get them back up and me off the hook for the rest of the day :-) Since I was able to solve the problem I really felt good about things.

The day before (Sea Otter Classic part 2)

2007-04-14T07:21:00.000+03:00

Even though Sea Otter Classic days are Thursday to Sunday, I flew out to California on Tuesday night. I did this in order to get to Monterey (2.5 hours south of San Francisco) on Wednesday afternoon. As it turned out it was a very smart move because I didn't prepare for the camping at all. Wednesday morning came and I saw that a client is looking for me. 1 phone call later and that client was satisfied with me resolving the problem (I don't know why, but I like solving things when I'm away). Back in the hostel I was introduced to H. from Germany that like me was heading down to the bicycle festival. But unlike me didn't have a car (I rented a minivan the night before at the airport). So I offered to share the ride. I told H that I'll be leaving around 2 because I have some errands to do. He said fine. Not to waist time I took the car and drove down to the Silicon Valley to a specific camping gear shop (recommended by a friend) to buy a tent and sleeping bag. I was dressed in the clothes I wore hiking in spain (all top notch outdoor gear). In the store I asked for the cheapest tent and sleeping bag while dressed in the best (and very expensive) clothes. I'm sure the salesman was buffled by the conflict. I was amused by it, but didn't care.
From there I drove to a computer and electronics warehouse to buy car power supplies for my laptop and cell phone (can't afford to be disconnected :-(). Went to eat at my favorite Borritto joint from my days in the Silicon Valley 10 years ago and got disappointed from the quality for the borritto :-( As a last thing before driving to Monterey I decided to pay a visit to S. I haven't seen her in over half a year and since I fell inlove with her it was high time to satisfy my emotions :-) So I drove to her work place. I surprised her and she was more than happy by the surprise. She didn't have much time because she was about to walk into a meeting so she kept apologizing (she didn't have to because I knew that she wouldn't have the time for a lengthy visit). I was so happy to meet her and even though I tried to contain myself was a little too pushy in my questions and display of affection (I hope that not enough to make her uncomfortable). After visiting S. I went back to the hostel to pickup H. and drive down to Monterey. I arrived at the hostel at 2 PM as agreed. Driving to Monteray was uneventful as it can get and getting to camping ground, pitching the tent was so striaght forward that I was worried for a while ... (can't shake my polish side).
All in all, Wednesday was a very productive and successful day with a cherry (meeting S.) on the top to make it perfect.
6 months ago I expirienced a perfect Tuesday. This time it was a perfect Wednesday. I can't wait for the perfect Thursday. I just hope I won't have to wait 6 months more for it.

Camping out (Sea Otter Classic part 1)

2007-04-12T03:42:00.000+03:00

It's been a long time since I last wrote. Why? I got into the routine of life that didn't include blogging. What changed? A few things with the subject being the majority of the change. So on with the blog ...
Sea Otter Classic is the biggest bicycle event (I think) that starts the bicycle event season in the US. About a month ago I saw online that the festival dates are April 12th to the 15th of . After an initial check with the office I signed myself and made the arangements (flight, hotels, camping registration) to get myself to Laguna Seca (just outside of Monterey) California. As the date got closer even my bosses at work said I deserved the time off (I'll be away for 6 days, of which 4 are working days). The last item in the arangements list is what makes it completely different: Camping??? The last time I campped out was 10 years ago and even then I tagged along. This time I took the initiative and decided to camp out the 4 days of the festival.
As a little kid I remember we (my family) went out on a lot of camping trips. After my younger brother was born everything stopped and we didn't do anything anymore. I missed that a lot and always dreamed about one day doing it myself, but since I never really learned what it means to camp out and having high expectaions and low demands garantees the feeling and taste of personal failure.
This time it was almost the same. I was sick most of last week so I didn't buy the camping gear needed to camp. So today before I drove from San Francisco to Monterey I went and bought a tent and a sleeping bag. I bought the simplest tent and sleeping bag. Knowing the target I didn't want to just buy best and not use it. Obviously these are only the 2 basics for camping, but since I don't know what it means to camp out I'm giving myself the benefit of the doubt to learn to camp while trying.
Stay tuned for more updates from Laguna Seca :-)

Everybody

2006-11-23T00:25:00.000+02:00

Actually it's not everybody, but it happens often: People look at me and say (actually compliment me) something like: You're smart ... I don't how people reach the conclusion and I don't understand why people feel that they have tell me that. Personally I think I'm a very smart guy and the only reason I think that is that I heard my mom telling that to a friend of hers when I was a teenager. One of the few good things that my mom had to say about me. But this post isn't about complications and complexities I inherited from the relationship I had with my mom.
This post is actually yesterday morning and the last time that a complete stranger felt the urge to tell me that I'm smart.
We had a demo meeting with a Telephone system vendor to show us their VOIP solution (we are looking to replace our antique telephone system). At the beginning of the meeting I asked our guests what they would like to drink. All three of them replied: Water. So I brought each of them a glass of water. Each of them received a glass in a different color. I don't know why, but I felt it's a good thing to bring each of them a glass made of a different color. Once the meeting was over, one of the guests asked me about the color difference of the glasses. I told him it was on purpose and gave the excuse that I wanted each of them to know which is his glass and not have to look for it (or worse, ask the others about it ;-)). His reaction was to say that only someone smart would do something like this. Beyond the compliment, what the hack ...?
World: Please stop complimenting and tell me I'm smart. I know that ;-)

hasta mañana

Dalai Lama

2006-10-02T15:35:00.000+02:00

In the past I wrote about the Dalai Lama test (if anyone wants it let me know and I will forward it, be aware that it's in Hebrew). After the context it was mentioned in I went back and took the test again (minus the reference I knew I would cheat about). Here are the results:
1. The order of importance of things in my life:
a. Pride
b. Family
c. Love
d. Career
f. Money

2. Here is a collection of my thoughts:
a. I'm a good person
b. I think that relationships are a nagging thing.
c. I want my enemies dead.
d. The sex in my life is bitter.
e. I think I live a deep life.

3. People that I relate to:
a. I will never forget my older brother.
b. I consider my sister as person I that is a very good friend.
c. I consider my little brother to be my soul mate.
d. I truly love [withheld].

that's it. I must say I was surprised about it the first time I did it. The second time I did it I felt it portrays me pretty accurately even though I only remembered 3 associations (the one about my enemies, soul mate and true love). If you know me and have a comment. Post it. I want to know what you think.

Hasta mañana

1296000

2006-09-28T06:29:00.001+03:00

1296000 :-) Well actually a little less (but it's inching closer). It feels like forever and this number is the only one that is big enough to make me feel so, though in the real world it has not.
oh well ...

hasta manaña

The simple life (part 2)

2006-09-17T08:06:00.000+03:00

This is the second installation of the simple life from 3 weeks.
I finished the first part saying that I will write what has changed. What was true 3 weeks ago is still true today (with a couple of more complications to make life interesting ;-)) So what I'll write now is pretty much what I wroted 3 weeks ago. Why didn't I write it then? Because I felt that by get out to the public the situation as I see it I would make me do something that I'm trying to avoid. So without further adue:
I moved to a new country. I moved from a place that I hated the weather to a place that I hate the weather even more. It's humid as it is in Israel on a hot summer day. But to add to the discomfort that I feel because of humidity I also suffer more from the heat. It's simply too hot for me here. It's true that most of the time I'm inside with air conditionting on, but I don't like being closed. I'm somewhat clastrophobic and after a few hours closed I feel that I must get out.
On the personal level I'm stuck. I'm not going ahead for a few reasons. 1: as much as people here are nice it comes with a very limited warrenty (as it was proven to me a few times by various people). I could take things into my own hands and subscribe to singles club, fitness club, buy a bicycle etc ... but I don't because I still have not decided weather I want to stay here, so I'm trying to minimize my holdings to the minimum.
If I want it or not I cannot break the rent lease that I signed on. This means that I have a very big debt over my head. I could if I wanted simply skip town and leave the debt behind me. But that would mean that I screw up people and burn bridges. Definitly not my modus operandi. No matter what I will not push my debt to someone else. So I have to collect money to be sure that I will be able to pay the debt before I will afford myself a life. I had a friend who did it once in a similar situation. Ever since then I find it hard to talk to him. In my eyes he's an unstable and dangarous person. He lost my trust.
On the professional side I went back on all fronts. I'm the IT manager of a Windows network (something I work very hard to to avoid and not be part of my profession). I deal with stupid problems day in and day out because the people around me are very low level and on the one hand don't see and understand the big picture of IT and on the other hand don't let me do my job because they used to do it and can't relent control. In the places I try to bump the professional level to something decent I get stopped because from the side it simply looks as if I exagurate and go too far. I used to try and explain my point of view. Didn't work so I sort of gave up (sometime I still try).
last and least (at least according to the Dalai Lama's test) is my paychech. I get paid much less than a similar position around here. I get paid less than I made as self employed back in Israel.
I once received a promise that the company will make its best to raise my paycheck according to company capabilities. To which anyone with very little brain and exprience would say: Yeah right ...
From any perspective my life has gone backwards. They say that sometimes in order to go forward one has to go backwards at the begining. I don't know how to judge wether this is the case this time or just a waist of time. I guess only time will tell...

Colors

2006-09-14T09:36:00.000+03:00

A while ago a friend sent me the Dalai Lama personality test. In which one of the things to do was associate names of people I know with certain colors. One of the color associations referred to true love. The name I associated with the color referring to true love surprised me. I knew that in the past I did develop feelings to that woman (and being shy about it I never told her anything and tried not to show it) and I know that ever since I always hoped that nothing but the best will occur for her and that her life would be a good one and as good as she can dream and hope, but I never thought it was any different than what I wish for everyone I know. A little delving into the ocean of my emotions I learned that indeed it is true love what I feel for her. Nothing will ever develop between us, as her friendship is way too important to endanger it by trying to develop a romantic relationship and I know for a fact that she doesn't have feelings toward me.
Since the outing with M and S I can't stop thinking about S. I can't stop dreaming and hoping for S to have the best life she can dream of and hope for. I want to contribute to it and have an active part in it. If I took the Dalai Lama's test again. Would I associate S name with the color that refers to true love? I'm not going to try it because I know I will be insincere and cheat to have the outcome be what I think it should be and not what it really is.

Hasta mañana

Perfect Tuesday

2006-09-13T23:17:00.000+03:00

Usually days are given bad/negative connotations: Hated Monday (example) ... I decided that for a change I would write about my Perfect Tuesday :-)
A little preface. I'm in San Francisco for a trade show.
I asked M from my VDONet days if I can stay with him. The answer was yes so I also got to meet him. When I arrived I learned that S (another ex VDONet) moved to San Francisco. If she didn't move to San Francisco I wouldn't get to meet her (I'm flying out almost immediately after the trade show is over and she lived a good few driving hours away). This way I got to meet her too. The weather was amazing (20 degrees Celsius and sunny). The trade show was interesting and I got the chance to sort out a big mess of bits and pieces that were going around in my gray matter. In the evening we (me, M and S) met and went out. It was a blast. The best time I had in a very long time and one of he best times ever turning it to be "perfect Tuesday" :-)

The simple life (part 1)

2006-08-23T03:35:00.000+03:00

I used to dream about having a good and simple life. I know that usually it's an unachievable thing and most of human kind reaches the conclusion that it's a myth. But from listening to others, I learned that one can only blame himself if he doesn't find it. After my hike in Spain I achieved an equalifbrium in my life that for me meant I have reached the good simple life I sought. I had a life: I worked: I was self employed and got the chance to do projects that I found interesting and be well paid for them. Since I was self employed and worked on a per contract, I was kept out of the political intrigs that any workplace has in abandance (not that I didn't get to hear them). I had after work activities: I had Tuesday movie club with a friend (that was hard to keep, but we did our best), I met with other friends here and there. I subscribed to Jdate to try and find that special someone that I would like to wake up next to in the morning (I had my share of successes and failures). I hooked up with an amazing group of mountain bikers (as in bicycles, not motorcycles) and except for the oganizer I was the one that attended the most. No matter where it was in Israel and at what hour of the day (be it in Sdom at 6AM or next to Carmiel at 5AM). I lived in a nice place (even though I maintained it at a low level, but I can only blame myself for it). I got to see my family (brothers, sister, nieces and nephews) on a regular basis. Spending time with them was always an enjoyable event and something I always waited for an wanted more of.
Bottom line: I enjoyed my life and loved it.
Next time: What has changed and how it affected (and affects me).

hasta mañana ...

Gadgets

2006-08-05T22:59:00.000+03:00

As a computer geek I always had a weak point of gadgets. As someone who easily gets adicted to anything I can easily get adicted to collecting gadgets. So to avoid reaching the point of spending money I don't have on gadgets, I more often than not opt not to buy myself a gadget, no matter how much I wanted it. I´ve missed a lot of electronical (r)evolutions this way, which to an ubber geek is a painful thing: Being an early adopter of anything and to be at the forefront of technology is a big ego booster. This changed last Tuesday: My Israeli cell phone decided that he had enough and last Monday it stopped working. When I got here I received a simplest phone that is given for free (I could have shelled some personal money to get a better one but back then all I had were question marks about my financial capabilities) when subscribing to plan. More often than not I wanted to replace the phone, but being very critical of my options I postponed the decision. Last week Ynet website published a review of a Samsung slider phone. I liked it and decided to check what Nokia has to offer in the slider arena (I like Nokia phones more than other companies) and found what I was looking for (well google found it for me). A quick call to a friend of a friend to check whether he has it instock and we (The mutual friend and me) on route to buy a new phone. I didn't drill down all the aspects of the phone I was about to buy. I didn't look at the feature list of the phone. I simply went out and bought it. Once back in the office I started playing with the phone and the question: Deos it make coffee (which is usually refered to computers that can do almost everything) works for the phone I bought. Here is a short list: It can record and play videos, MP3 player, FM radio tuner. Video Calls (3G) has a mini SD flash card (that was upgraded to a 2GB card) and many more features. Unfortunately I will still have to make the coffee myself. Today I sat and started reading reviews written for this model. As it turns out I bought one of the cutting edge models on the market. That last sentence kind of stuns me. I gave in to my gadget craving and survived :-)

Hasta manaña

Long time brewing

2006-08-05T22:49:00.000+03:00

It's been over a month since I last posted. Have my life become boring that I have nothing to write about? The answer is no. So why have I been quiet is the next question in line? There were a lot of storms in my life (which part of my life I will keep vague for now) lately and since I want to stick to where I am right now, I had to keep my composure and down play my emotions and temper. The only way to do that is bite the tongue (literally both in the real world and in the virtual world). Which I did and what the readers of this blog received back is drought. Hopefully this post marks the end of the drought. I hope I will have be able to write about things more often from now on...

hasta mañana

Excuses, excuses

2006-06-30T04:47:00.000+03:00

A couple of days ago I lost my glasses. Everywhere I looked for them I couldn't find them. They weren't in my living room (either on the couch or the coffee table). They weren't in my room (on the bed, next to it or under it). Since I couldn't find them I went around without them. No big loss since my eye sight is good enough that I don't need them all the time (they were prescribed for TV watching). I have them on all the time because this way I don't forget them and they actually make my eyes (and ultimately me) less tired at the end of the day. I ran the washer tonight, when the cycle ended I started moving the clothes to the drier. It was then that I found my glasses. All that happened was that they went through a couple of cycles of washing. Beyond the fact that they were wet it seems that nothing major happened to them.
There is one issue: Tomorrow morning when I will be in the office people will ask me where I found my glasses. I want to be original and have a good excuse for putting them in the washer.
A friend of mine came up with the excuse: They were dirty. I came up with the excuse: I thought that maybe the washer will be able to remove the scatches from the glass. Neither is very good. So I'm looking for good excuse for putting my glasses in the washer ... The person with the best excuse wins a dinner at Pasta Mia :-)

hasta mañana

Belong

2006-06-27T02:53:00.000+03:00

Belonging is a simple thing. We don't notice it but we always belong. We are always a part of a group (either by right, by choice or neither). We belong to a family. We belong to a class in kindergarten and later in school. We belong to a group at work. We belong to dozens of social groups through out our life. We simply belong.
Even though I belonged (and still do) to various social groups, I never felt that I really belong to the group. There was/is always a but ... I always was (and am) on the side. Belonging, but not really belonging. Even with my family there is doubt (at least on my side) to my belonging (it's a long history that I will spare from the reader). All my life I've moved between groups trying to fit in. Trying to belong. I never found a social group (to date) that I unequivocally felt that I was a part of. That I unequivocally Belonged to (and I apologize to all my friends that now feel betrayed).
As a grownup I turned it into a mission to find a place that I belong. I would practically give anything (and go to infinity) and beyond (:-)) for/to someone that would make be feel unequivocally belong.
I'm trying to think what does this belonging equate to? What is that illusive belonging that I'm spending my life looking for it and not finding it. Giving myself at the hands of others in return for that unknown belonging. If I don't know what it is, will I be able to recognize it when I find it? Or am I doomed to be a pilgrim of sorts looking for something I don't even know what it is?

hasta mañana

almost

2006-06-25T23:17:00.000+03:00

It's been a long time since I wrote here ... Too long a time (as some accented people would say). It's not that nothing happened to me or that I didn't have anything to write about. The contrary is the truth. Too much was happening to me that I had to put some things on hold. One of those things was myself. I put everything that is personal and private on hold which meant also the blog was on hold :-(

BIG MISTAKE.

The one thing I learned hiking across Spain and vowed never to forget, I forgot. All the checks and balances that I put in place to make sure that this will not happen failed. Maybe this is why a week ago I longged so much to go back to hiking, and specifically hiking Camino de Santiago. Yep, the same exact path.
What made the difference that suddenly I feel like I woke up? A few things:
1. My boss called me in and told me he was worried I was burning myself. Up to that point I didn't even consider it (I told myself it's just a temporary thing and it will pass). But since he brought it up the issue I started looking into it. I didn't like what I found and it wasn't easy to admit it.
2. I started gaining weight to the tipping point of not caring about it. It was more important for me to satisfy my cravings than to watch out for my weight. This means only one thing: The situation was spiraling out of control.
3. One of the things that my boss prides itself is that we are more like a family than a work place. There was a family event (for him). I was not invited. It was a punch right in my face. It hurt, it still does, and it will keep hurting until I tell him about it (I hope I will tell him, that is). It hurt because I put myself totally in his hands. Letting go of any self control and when I needed proof that I'm not alone here I didn't get it. I don't know if it was intentional (as someone I know would say) or not. It doesn't really matter. All the old daemons of childhood neglect came up this weekend and made me feel like I was alone in the world. The feeling only intensified by the fact that there is bad weather outside and my car is in the shop. So I'm stuck at home.

Time to regain control of my life. I am after all a control freak.

Selfishness: Status report

2006-05-21T01:35:00.000+03:00

A while ago I wrote about the fears of bringing my dog over and I ended up deciding to be selfish and do what I felt what was good for me would (hopefully) be good for him. As it turns out I think that the move was a good one. He does have a better life here. What am I basing this on? a Few things (that you will obviously will have to read about now ;-) )
1. He's not tied to a rope in a garden anymore. It's not the perfect solution, he is still spends time inside home.
2. I leave the air conditioning on at home when I leave so he won't suffer from excessive heat. The air conditioning is set to a nice and cool 23 degrees (Celsius) and he has access to all the water he wants to drink.
3. I play fetch with him almost every day. There is 1 noticeable outcome: He developed a healthy hunger and eats a lot more than he used to. He gained mass and looks much better now than he did.
4. Another nice outcome from the frequent fetch games is that he has become much more alert, alive and somewhat demanding. He used to be a (too) mallow dog. Now he isn't anymore.
5. The smile he usually has on his face concludes the list. He seems a happy dog now. Something I wasn't capable to claim in Israel.

Hasta mañana

Home sweet home

2006-05-16T00:36:00.000+03:00

I never posted where my current home is. As a Bedouin I don't know if there is a place I can call home. I also don't have a hat that I can lay anywhere and claim that is my home. But based on the precedence set by the Unlinkely pilgrim's special day I here by announce the following location as my home: http://www.google.com/mars/#lat=18.812717&lon=-127.089843&zoom=5&map=visible&q=mountains
If you're wondering what (and where) exactly this location is? Here is the reply: Olympus mons. No, not mount Olympus in Greece (even though it takes the name from there). Never heared of it? Maybe because one needs to look into the night sky. Still can't figure it out? Learn some astronomy to know where it is: Mars. It's the highest mountain on Mars, and as such is a good place for the Greek Gods to reside (hence the name).
If you are thinking "god complex" than you are right on the money ;-)
To know more about it take a look at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Olympus_Mons
Unfortunately I cannot currently cover traveling and associated expences. I do offer coffee and cookies suitable for space suites.

hasta mañana

Voice from the past

2006-05-13T00:38:00.000+03:00

I. I hope you are reading this ...
Today I received an email from a friend that walked with me a big part of the Camino and we had a lot of good times together. She didn't know if I remembered her or not. I do remember her and all the good times we did (is it possible to forget good times, among the best?). Her email reminded me of the thing that influenced me the most in 16 year of adult life (at least from the legal stand point). What I learned about myself, what I took from the Camino and vowed never to forget or ignore.
At the intersection I am at right now her email was a big comforting sign to not forget myself.
Thank I. for such a simple thing as sending an email at the right time. As always you have perfect timing :-)

Hasta mañana

Surprises

2006-05-08T23:23:00.000+03:00

A lot of things go through my head in my daily life (the almost never seen hyperactivity side of me is responsible for it). Things that usually don't get out. I wish I could let everything out, but I will hurt other people and myself if I do so. So for the time being no one knows about the changes brewing in my life. In a few weeks when the brewing will be done I hope I will be able to say that it's has the taste of a good beer, rather than the bad taste of vinegar. In the mean time I hope I created (even a little bit of) suspension.
You're welcome to post speculations ;-)

hasta mañana

Moving

2006-04-26T14:34:00.000+03:00

I didn't move much between places in my life. I have enough fingers on one hand to count them. Every time I moved I knew I could go back to something familiar and comfortable that I knew and felt safe with (back home). So it's no wonder that my CEO reached the conclusion that I have traits that are attributed to the Bedouin clans of the Sinai Peninsula. But this time around I don't feel there is such a place. I'm moving without a fall back. I don't know where home is anymore. You probably think that I moved 3 months ago, but that was temporary (at least feeling wise). I still had my old apartment available for me. I still had somewhere to go back to. My old apartment still felt like home. But now I'm in the process of packing it up everything that is mine. It will be up for rent after some much needed maintenance work is done on it. It won't be my home anymore. It will be someone else's residence.
Like in Leon my I felt my real pilgrimage started, I feel now that I'm turning into a real pilgrim in my real life. I feel I just wonder from place to place without a place to call home. Without a place to go back to and feel safe when shit will hit the fan. It always does, that's why life stinks ;-) well in most cases.

Alone

2006-04-23T01:25:00.000+03:00

There was a rather stupid reality show on television on Israeli channel 2 tonight. They took 2 girls and locked them in a loft without any connection to the external world. Brought 4 guys and let the girls choose of of them as a possible love candidate and all in 48 hours. One of the girls stroke a cord in me. She was my type: jet black hair. Medium height and build and sensitive and cynical as hell. I really wanted to watch the show, but the level of the show made keep flipping channels at a certain point I decided to go to bed and sleep (I'm very tired), but looking at the bed made me aware of the very unpleasant feeling of being alone and kept me from going to bed even though I'm dead tired. The thought and feeling keeps me wide awake and looking for something to catch my attention and distract me from the thought and feeling. But since it's the middle of the night there isn't really anything good to really attract my attention.
I will try to put myself in bed regardless. You will probably read another post about the outcome of it.

hasta mañana

sleepless

2006-04-21T01:34:00.000+03:00

When I lived in Herzlia I used to be sleepless. It would be very hard for me to put myself in bed and fall asleep. I would put myself in bed only when I felt exhausted and fall asleep in front of the TV, very late at nigt. I used to think that it has to do with me being a night owl. But recent months disproved this theory. I always was more than happy to put myself in bed when I felt I was falling asleep or felt tired. Even on the inflatable matress that was my bed in the last couple of months.
I'm temporarily back in Herzlia and I'm at the same situation that was my daily thing for me while I lived here: I'm holding myself from putting my self in bed and sleeping. I don't know what it is, but something is definitly holding me back. I'm tired, there is nothing that atracts my attention and I'm actively looking for something to atract my attention and there is nothing. So I'm just drifiting hoping to find something that will atract my atension without me needing to go to bed. There is something about the house that makes me restless.
I thought on the way that I will feel some kind of connection to the house After all I lived here the majority of my life. But I don't feel any connection to the place. I actually feel repelled by it. I don't want be here. I feel bad about it. I feel like I'm bitraying my memories. Bitraying my parents memories. Drifting in the void of emotional space, not willing to attach myself to anything.

The right thing

2006-04-18T02:56:00.000+03:00

Today I feel I did the right thing for a change. It's a rare thing for me to feel that I did the right thing and so it's worth a post ...
I had to buy a few things outside of the office, but being carless and driver license less (long story, maybe in another post) I asked my friend P to take me to the nearest home depot to buy the things I needed. With the hour being past 5 I asked him to take me home instead of back to the office (as originally planned). I diverted him because I decided that my dog is more important than work. (cinical mode on) My dog has an expiration date, work doesn't (cinical mode off). First thing I did when I got home was take him out. He took me to a corner of complex that has 'dog walk'. The 'dog walk' is a short path that goes through a small yard at the corner of the complex. It's pretty secluded and out of the way that it's usually empty. I also took some tennis balls with me so I could throw them and make him run a little (usually after 5 minutes he sits down and gives up on running after the tennis balls). I started throwing the tennis balls and indeed after a couple of throws he decided to strike: Sat down on the grass and start chewing on one of the balls. I decided not to give in and instead play with the second ball by myself. After a few moments he gave up and came by to try and get the ball from me. I threw it as far as I could and he ran after it. The game of 'fetch' went on for the better part of an hour. I decided to stop it because it was obvious that he was exhausted. Now an hour later he is still trying to recuperate from the game. It's been a couple of years (if not more) since I managed to make him play 'fetch' for so long. We both enjoyed the game so much that it made me feel like I did the right thing :-) It's times like this that I thought of when I decided to be selfish and bring him here.

about time (too)

2006-04-17T05:39:00.000+03:00

This posting should have come in two parts. The first part was supposed to be published on April's fool day and te second one two days ago.

The post from April fools day: For a little bit more than two months my friend P housed me. Being a new guy in a new country and not having where to stay he let me into his home and let me disrupt his life for a very long time. Even though he doesn't like (or want) flat mates, he was a really good sport about my audities and my very different life style. He did complain when he thought there was place to complain (and when there was no place to complain, just of the sake of complaining, right P)? and I mostly ignored his complains. Sometimes I did listen and tried to accomodate his "peculiar" requests. All in all they were two very good months and even though he claims it wouldn't work for us as flate mates, I disagree.

So P. I owe you a very big thank you. I will never be able to repay you for your hospitality.

The second part is also about P ...
Because of a mistake done by the Israeli Immegration offices in his ID card there is a different birthdate than the original one. So instead of having 2 birthdays (like all Israelis) he claims to have 3: Original, Israeli INS one (which coincedently is also on April's fool day) and Hebrew one. In any case: His' original birthdate was two days ago. Happy birthday kiddo!!!

Bedouin

2006-04-14T00:53:00.000+03:00

About a week ago the CEO of the company I work for asked me a question. My reply prompted him to categorize me as a Bedouin. My initial reaction was to answer: No I'm not (which is my instinct reaction whenever someone tries to categorize me). After putting some thought about his characterization I reached the conclusion that he is mostly right; Many years ago, just after Israel pulled out of the Sinai peninsula there was a TV show about the peninsula. Among others it talked about the Bedouin people that occupied it for hundreds of years. One of the things they said was about their habit of moving as lightly as possible and to enable that they used to fold everything into the tent cloth and hang the tent cloth on a tree. A Bedouin knew which cloth is his and which isn't. They respected each other privacy and didn't touch cloths that didn't belong to them (something that the Israelis traveling around the peninsula unfortunately didn't). I loved this rule of theirs. Years later I decided to adopt it and make my own rule out of it: What is mine is mine and I do what I want with it. What is others I don't touch before the person it belongs to gives me his consent. I called it: "live and let live". But since most people equate "live and let live " with something different I added "to the extreme" and when ever I tell people that I believe in "live and let live to the extreme" without explaining they shrug and go on without understanding.
But apparently it's not the only thing I've adopted from the Bedouin way of life. There are a few other things that I realized I took from them:
1. Be rootless.
2. Travel light.
3. Leave behind things you don't need for the journey. No one will touch them.
4. Material is just material. It can be replaced.
5. I will be able to go back and find the things I left behind the way I left them.
6. Do not touch other people's stuff unless really necessary.
7. Must ask for their permission.

I took me many, many (too many) years to understand that this simplistic way of thinking fits the secluded life the Bedouin people experienced, but doesn't fit my environment and way of life. I wish I was totally over it, but I'm not.
And maybe I got it all wrong (that won't be the first time, nor the last time).

hasta maÃ±ana

Timing

2006-03-28T04:11:00.000+02:00

I'm pretty crappy when it comes to timing things. Be it giving time for how long something will take to setting a time and date with someone and actually sticking to it. Things with you are the exception to the rule. I don't know why, but with you the majority of the times (and I remember only one time) I was punctual and good with timing. With the rest of the universe, timing and me have no relation or is purely coincidental (ask my friend G.). Today I discovered that I have another friend (yes I have a lot of friend ;-)) that has worse timing than me. He called me this afternoon (thinking that I was in Israel) to offer me a job. The job was setting up a big data center based on Linux. The job is in San Francisco. 2 things that would make a dream come true. But as luck would be I'm not looking for a job. I have one. I love what I do and I'm enjoying it. This isn't the first time that he approached me with an offer. He did it twice more in the past. Both times I wasn't looking for job either, so it fell too. Actually it's my timing that sucks here and not his. Oh well.

hasta mañana

Initiative

2006-03-23T01:15:00.000+02:00

Following Deviant Brainwave's suggestion (be sure to check her blog at: http://www.deviantbrainwave.org), I here by declare February 30th as the Unlikely Pilgrim's special day. You can find information about it at: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/February_30

Enjoy

hasta mañana

Just another day

2006-03-19T22:18:00.000+02:00

One day one of my previous dogs (Tony) was resting and lying in my parents living room enjoying the cool floor in a hot summer day. Not having anything better to do I decided to bug her a little (not in any harmful way). So I got on my hands and knees and got close to her. I started barking at her and nudge her with my head. She opened her eyes looked at me: What the hell does he want with me now...? Since she didn't play along and tried to ignore me I decided to stop, but before I got on my legs I looked around. The world looked very different from that angle. I, unfortunately, don't know how to express the difference. I looked back at my dog and tried to imagine what does the world look to her. The sights, the smells, tastes, noises and sense of touch... I don't know why, but the thought of what day it was came to mind. While we know what day of the week it is (usually) and each day has a special meaning, dogs do not have that notion. For them each day is the same and doesn't have a name or a meaning. I new that the names of the days and their meaning was man made but only then it struck me just how artificial the name days and their meaning are artificial (it was also a corner stone in me becoming an atheist but that is a different story). I decided then that for me there isn't, and won't be, really a difference between the days. Not I think that each day is like the one before or the next, but rather that I won't let something artificial influence my behavior in one way or another. This belief I act on myself and not on others. I know that the rest of humanity does not share my belief in the matter so when it comes to other people I act normal and fuss about special days: Birthdays, Weekends, Holidays and any other celebrated day or date.
Why am I writing this? Because other people tried to fuss about me yesterday and I tried to down play it. I feel I owe an explanation why.

New life & do no evil

2006-03-18T04:56:00.000+02:00

As you know I decided to be selfish. I brought my dog over here. He is actually already here. He passed the flight just well. He did create havoc: On the way to the plane, the box fell of the cart and opened up. Not being a sucker and missing an opportunity (unlike me), he jumped out and started running on the airport runways. They did manage to catch him (something rare they succeed to do). They called of the plane my friend and since he knew her a little bit trusted her and got back into the box and onto the plane. 15 hours later I picked him up from the airport. He didn't understand what was going around him and was pretty much in a state of sock.
His new life in America started on the wrong foot, not because of him, but because of his owner (that would be me). I still don't have a house for myself and thus don't have accommodations for him. With that the only thing left for me was to put him in a kennel. So now he's sleeping in another cage. So instead of having a great life in a new place and enjoying it. He is now in a jail...
Yes, it's temporary, but the first step in this is sure crappy one.
Google's slogan is a simple one: "do no evil". As a geek this slogan presses all the right buttons. Though I doubt that a commercial company can actually be a good guy and do no evil. I would like to be the same, but I keep missing the target. And missing the target sucks. BIG TIME.

Now

2006-03-16T00:13:00.000+02:00

The following was written on Thursday around 1AM Israel time...

Just about now there is an airplane taking off from Ben Gurion airport. In the cargo bay of that airplane there is 1 box. This box holds 1, probably very scared, dog. My dog. I don't understand what is going on with me right now. So many things are going through my head now because of this little thing. Most of them are worries about the flight, the landing and the new life that I forced on him. I hope that all of them will be for nothing...

Bicycles

2006-03-12T17:45:00.000+02:00

In my farewell letter to the bicycle group I wrote that the rides on the weekend gave me the fuel to deal with all the crap that one has to deal with during the week. Only in the last couple of weeks I learned how accurately this sentence describes what those bike rides meant to me and helped me mentally. There is a park just around the corner (literally) and since I got here I always told myself that I will go rent a bicycle and ride across the park. My initial thought was that it would be more like a ride in Park Hayarkon, but I was pleasantly surprised to discover that this isn't the case :-) The park has 25KM of bike trails for all levels of mountain bike riders. The initial ride was actually pretty much like Park Hayarkon. Once we (My friend G. came along) entered the trail's area a big smile spread on my face: There are some real bike trails here :-) I immediately entered one that was label "novice" thinking that since it's labeled "novice" I would be simple to everyone. From my point of view there was nothing challenging in the trail, but from G.'s point of view this was very hard (to say the least). He did warn me that he hadn't ridden a bike in years, but I translated it to: you never forget how to ride a bicycle. I didn't take into account that the sentence is only true to the part of "keeping the balance on a bicycle" and not to things like switching gears and adapting yourself to the fast changing nature of a bike trail. G. had to tell it to me a few times before I understood what he meant and fitted the bike ride to something that we will both enjoy and leave him with a taste of: I want to do it again. It was a short ride, but a lot of fun non the less and a great reminder of how much I love riding bicycles in nature. Unfortunately I still can't go and buy a bicycle for me :-( I still don't know what kind of bicycle I can afford. What and where I can ride etc ...
Just a little more patience ...

hasta mañana

And the Oscar goes to...

2006-03-09T01:24:00.000+02:00

We have a winner. Well actually I made a decision which house I will rent. It wasn't an easy decision and it was made harder because for once I decided to go against my instinct and listen to what (the majority of) people around me that heard about or saw the place(s) (either one or both). So without any further ado... I decided to rent the house from chapter 2: The town house with the small patio. There are numerous reasons and I will try to write them down. Feel free to comment on them (i.e. I want you to comment on them):
1. Doesn't matter what the size of the back yard. My dog would have gotten bored pretty quickly and would simply find a corner and doze off and sleep. Not because it's not big enough, but rather because there is nothing note worthy to attract attention and react to it.
2. It's a nicer neighborhood which means more and longer walks for him.
3. It's closer (and very close in general) to work. I will be able to go home in the middle of the day to take him out for long walks.
4. It's better architecturally. This one is for me. I think I will enjoy more being at home there. From the perspective of my dog it means I will be more at home (regardless of the mid day walks).
5. A woman told me that girls will feel better if they come to the second house rather than the first house. From my dogs point of view this is bad news ;-)
6. It's closer to work, less to commute. I don't like to commute in heavy traffic for 45 minutes in the morning. It requires too much attention when I still don't want to be totally awake.
7. The landlord is someone that I actually saw and know (though superficially). We after all buy with our eyes and the majority of inter personal communication is through body language. I hope that the fact that the landlord is a stunning young woman has nothing to do with it ;-) Actually it has nothing to do with it. She's not my type.

Privacy is just around the corner. In all 4 dimensions ;-)

hasta maÃ±ana

dilema

2006-03-04T21:43:00.000+02:00

It turned out that the landlord of the house (from hats chapter 1) is willing to drop the background check if I give him a bigger security deposite. I received this information yesterday, while I was busy filling up the application for the 2nd house (from hats (chapter 2)). This started a dilema in me (that is still unresolved): Which of the 2 places should I rent. Obviously I can't rent both and not because I don't want. I would if I had the money, but my financial situation isn't one that allows me such a laxury, and if it did I would be renting something totally different. Back to the dilema: On the one hand I have the house (from chapter 1). The good things about that house are: It has a very big fenced back yard. It has a garage (I know it's stupid, but I always dreamed of having a garage for a car). It has a gas stove (I know I don't cook much, but it's never too late to start and I do want to start). The bed things about that house are: The neighborhood is not as nice. It's further than work (not by a lot but commute will be a problem). The house is smaller.
The good things about the 2nd house are: It's in a very nice and well maintained neighborhood. The inside of the house is nicer. It's bigger. It's very close to work, It's better architected. The drawbacks of the 2nd house are: It doesn't have its own dirveway. It only has a small fenced patio. It has a dog size limit that I will pass, but the owner assured me they don't check the size of the dog.
The perfect thing would be if you took the back yard for the 1st house and put it instead of the patio of the of the 2nd house...
I know that the real question is where will my dog have a better life? It's not so easy to answer and here is why: The 1st house has a big yard where he can go about. But I think he will get bored by it eventually. Since the neighborhood isn't really nice I feel that I will limit my walks with him to the bare minimum. Since the house isn't near he will see me less and I won'y be able to take him for walks as much. The 2nd house is near and I will be able to get home in the middle of the day to take him out for a walk instead of only in the morning and evenings. The neighborhood is nicer which means longer walks.
I narrowed the question a little more during the writing of this post: How much will I take him out on either of the houses? I don't have an anwer to that. Time to go check....

Hasta mañana

Hats (chapter 2)

2006-03-04T21:30:00.000+02:00

Since I was not very successful in house hunting and most of the places I contacted refused to accept me because of the size of my dog I decided to use the moto: If you build it they will come... I posted on a website what I was looking for and received replies from renters that will accept big dogs. The house from the previous post is one such reply. Another reply I received was about a nice house not far from work. The Israeli equivalent would be to live in Raanana and work in Herzlia. Here it's almost unheard of (right now I drive 40KM to get to work from my friend's home). It's a very nice house. Very well maintained in the middle of a very well kept neighborhood. So my dog would have a great place to walk. My cosigner was very pleased with what he saw and was inthusiatic about the place. The only drawback in the place was that it doesn't have a back yard. It has a small fenced patio (about 3 by 5).

Hats (chapter 1)

2006-03-02T01:32:00.000+02:00

After thinking about it I decided to be selfish and bring my dog over here. I even found the perfect place: A small private house with a very big fenced back yard that would have been perfect for me and him. The neighborhood was nice and it was in a good place in the middle of the region I'm looking for. It was a little expensive but my original post on the internet claimed that I'm willing to pay 15% more than this house was for. My friends and boss that saw the place said it was perfect. Armed with their feedback I went ahead and decided to rent the place. I filled the paper work and was missing a small thing: A cosigner. You are no one if you don't have a good credit history and since I just moved here, I have nothing. This makes my old dream of absolute anonymity come true. But as much as I love anonymity it also limits one's possibilities. Since the owner lives in another state and has to protect himself. He wanted to receive assurances that he can sleep well at night and that the renter (that would be me) whom he never met wouldn't screw him up by getting away and leaving the owner in debt. I also learned that the owner has a mortgage on the house and he's paying for it by renting the place and mortgage payments influence immensely one's credit history. Fair and square. My cosigner on the other hand is afraid of identity theft: Since it's a big country there must be a method to be able to be identified without appearing in person. This is done by giving social security number, driver's license (equals to ID) and other information. Giving this information to some unknown stranger that you never met before is a wide open door to the stranger to assume the identity of my cosigner possibly ruin my cosigner's life. Both sides in the argument are right and neither is wrong. Still I got stuck in the middle without the ability to rent the place and live happily ever after. So I was very unhappy (and that is no small understatement) yesterday evening when my cosigner and the landlord didn't reach an agreement about the lease. A friend offered To be my cosigner and give his information instead. I refused the offer, because I didn't want to expose him to a possible identity theft.

Hasta Manaña

Selfishness

2006-02-26T16:31:00.000+02:00

I left behind in Israel a beautiful Belgian shepherd dog that I really love. My original plan was to find a place of my own and bring him over to stay with me. In the last couple of weeks I've been looking for a place of my own in Ernest. It turned out to be trickier than I thought. Most rental places accept people and small dogs (up to 10-15 KG) or are too expensive for me to afford (private house with a fenced backyard). In the time I've been looking I started contemplating about finding my dog an alternative home and find myself a place without him. Scraping of my original plan. Last Friday, I found a place that is perfect (and my friends and boss agreed with me): A small house with a big fenced backyard. The rate is just as the edge of my capabilities. Up to here it sounds like my original plan is about to come true. I started thinking about what it means to bring him here. What it would be like for him here. I remembered what it was for him when I live in Israel: He was mostly alone and bored. I didn't give him the best life he could get. I didn't maltreat him either. I did sometimes mistreated him by putting myself and my enjoyment before his needs: Like having him inside the house for very a long time (from the morning to the late in the evening when I got home) or having him tied to a rope in the yard. The guy that is taking care of my house and dog in my absence is telling me that my dog is really happy and having a great time with the new arraignment. I know that there is probably an exaggeration in his description, but it does raise the question whether my dog will be better off with a new home in Israel rather then here with me. Somewhere in my life I reached the following understanding: I want the best thing to the ones I love. It's a simple statement and a lot of people say it. But all those people don't understand or see the full picture of the sentence. They don't take into account that their personal needs and the needs of the ones that they love might be (and usually are) different and/or contradicting. Situations where such a contradiction exists end up in a fight. I don't like fighting and not for some altruistic reason but for the reason that I don't know how to fight (the word wimp comes to mind ;-)) so I try to avoid it. Sting sings the following: "Free, free, send them free. If you love someone ...". He's right. And it's a hard thing to do. But fighting isn't the point here. The point is where would my dog have the best life? Here with me or in a new home? Will I treat him better here (I really want to) and he will have a very good life here, or will I treat him the same (I'm still me, for better or for worse) and he will have a boring life that he won't enjoy that much? In Sting's song words: "Send them free..."? It all boils down to should I be selfish or altruistic? I wish feelings were something straight and simple. That the shades of gray would be more obvious.
It's Sunday morning (well the morning is almost over) and deep into the weekend. Time to stop over thinking about it and start living and do things....

Hasta maniana

A (decent) pasta plate

2006-02-19T01:20:00.000+02:00

In the time I've been here, I've been looking for an Italian restaurant that prepares a good pasta plate. I had a couple of disappointments in local Italian restaurants. I don't know why but for some unknown reason the local Italian restaurants are owned and run by Latin people and I excuse me for, maybe, being racist (and I apologize if I am): What the heck do they know about Italian cooking? Nothing! And the food produced in the restaurants I visited was an example of that (there was 1 exception last week where the food was very good, but I didn't eat pasta there). I've developed a test to see whether a restaurant is a good Italian restaurant. It's called the carbonara test. I simply order a plate of pasta with Carbonara sauce (includes meat, so it isn't kosher and unsuitable for vegetarians). According to the taste of that plate I decide whether the chef knows what it means to make a good pasta plate. Today I had to run some errands, after I finished them this morning I decided to start looking for a place of my own. So even though it was a beautiful day outside, and I was offered outdoor activity, I stayed in and went through the classifieds looking for $HOME (yes, it's a geeky joke :-)). At a certain point I was hungry so instead of going out and grab junk food I decided to prepare myself a pasta plate. I admit I did some shortcuts (that are a disgrace to anyone claiming to be Italian like me): The pasta was Barilla and the sauce was bought too. 15 minutes after I started cooking I had a pasta pomodoro plate ready. After the first bite a smile of content took hold of my face and it grew as kept eating, enjoying it more than I could imagine I would enjoy a pasta plate. I made enough for 2 people. My friend walked in just as I was about to start eating, I offered him a plate, but he refused. His loss/my gain. I ate everything and I would have eaten more if there was more ready. I was feeling so good with myself that I even washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen immediately after. From decision moment to finish time the whole thing took 30 minutes, but every second in those 30 minutes was bliss and heaven. I finally ate a good pasta plate that I was missing so much.
My second friend here announced that he will start bring food from home to work (diet, money and time saving are all good reasons to do so). I think I will join him and prepare pasta for myself a couple of times a week and bring it in, instead of going out for lunch.
In the time I've been here and have been disappointed from the local Italian restaurants I started day dreaming about opening a local Pasta Mia here. Maybe it's not a bad idea after all :-) As anything in the world: Time will tell....
BTW: If you think that I'm problematic and picky about eating pasta. You're right on the money. What can I say I was spoiled at a young age and even though a pasta plate is a simple dish it isn't as easy to prepare a good one.

Hasta Maniana

the soft spot

2006-02-14T00:28:00.000+02:00

I have a friend that keeps claiming that every fence has a hole that lets you go through it. In the broader sense of things I say: Everything a soft spot. I have more than 1. Countless more ... :-)
As humans we usually don't pay attention (or worse: ignore and/or refuse to acknowledge)to our soft spots. I'm no different. I did learn lately how one small habit I had back in Israel has turned into a soft spot here: The habit of listening to "Shtikat Hakvishim" (Galgalatz from midnight to 2AM). Now that I'm almost on the other side of the world it's aired at a much more convinient hour: 5 to 7 PM. I try usually to listen to it over the internet. To make my life easier I have a shortcut handy so in 1 click Media player is launched, loading Galgalatz' streaming. In itself there is nothing wrong, though I feel that it is a peculiar habit. The soft spot is in all the by products that arise from listening. Memories and feelings of friends, family, places, things, habits that I miss and won't have (unless I go back to Israel). I will have others, but not those. The strongest feeling is that all those things are behind me and ahead of me there are totally different things: New and exiting. Maybe more, for sure not less. And like Lot and his family I need to look ahead and not back so I won't freeze (even though that is not what happened to Lot's wife). Still the momories and feelings make me want to call and talk with friends and family but I doubt anyone would be happy to jump out of bad only because some is in a different time zone and for him it's not too late to talk on the phone.
Hasta manana

Time difference

2006-02-10T20:48:00.000+02:00

I don't know why, but the time difference between here and Israel is not something I seem to remember. It's not something I had ever had a problem with. I always remembered that there is a time difference between 2 place and new how to synchronize with myself with the remote clock when I needed something from the remote location. This escapes me here. I keep forgetting that I'm not in the same timezone and that there is a 7 hour difference. It keeps hitting me everytime I want to talk with my family, friends, take care of open issues that I have in Israel. I have a very small time window in a day and in that time I work (and there are is more than enough of it). I usually try to listen to Galgalatz, which makes it a little funny: They report about rush hour traffic at 10AM (local time) ;-)
hasta manana

looking ahead

2006-02-09T01:05:00.000+02:00

Probably I'm jumping the gun and starting to run too soon. Nothing new in my behavior. I know it's not a good habit but I tried in the past to change that. To fight it and be different. Failed every time so I decided to give up and just try to minimize it's effect and when it happens take it in stride and laugh about it. Looking at it from the side I think of it as: A control freak trying to do damage control because he fails to actually control the situation. Too much control ...
It all started yesterday. I received the weekly email from jdate about possible girls that meet my criteria (someone should do a research about computers ability to match expectations and feelings). Obviously the basic criteria is that they are from the region of my new home. I was ready for another empty email. I was pleasently surprised that there were 2 girls that I liked. I checked their profile and I really liked what one of them wrote. Since yesterday I started looking at things around me in a different way: in bright, colorfull way.
Will I act on it? I doubt it. There are too many physical obstacles: I don't have a home, thus I don't have any privacy. I don't have a car and around here without a car you can do very little (but very little). But than again: Obstacles motivate me ... :-)
To make my life easier: I'm opening a contest: The one that will give me a pick up line that I will use in the email to this woman will receive a free dinner at Pasta Mia (and I know the owner so it will happen). Good luck (both to you and me)

the last nail

2006-02-04T14:39:00.000+02:00

I don't know if the following is good news or bad news. It depends what on you want for yourself from me. It's a gamble that can succeed or fail and only time will tell. It's a gamble on my life. Luckly failing won't be terminal and on the other hand succeeding doesn't mean bliss either. Last night I nailed the last nail in the coffin inf the pendulum, nerve wracking, emotional rollercoaster of deciding what to do: Stay here or go back to Israel. One of the options was put in the coffin and will be laid to rest in the days to come: I've decided to try my luck here. I've decided to look for my home here. The reasons are few, not very logical (as they are rooted deep into my psyche). Though they are not complex. To poeple that don't know my inner workings they are immpossible to comprehend (I think, I will be happy to be proven wrong). I will try to write them now:
1. Here I have no past. There is no history to hold me back. This forces and motivates me to look forward, dream and do my best to make those dreams come true.
2. I'm in a junction where it is up to me to make it or break it (not only for me, but for a whole group of people). No small feat and a lot of responsibility. Someone actually trusts me! on any (other) given moment I would be cinical about it and try to down play it, but there's this emotion inside screaming (chearfully): I told you it's possible. Finally someone who sees past the crap that I put to keep people away.
3. I have to learn to trust others and accept authority and act accordingly. My 2 primary authority sucked big time and screwed me in ways that will be all my life (I know it's the story of most of human kind, but this one is mine) but I found someone who I feel that I can try this on him and it will actually succeed. If it succeeds than I don't know where the limit will be.
4. It's a gamble and I like to throw myself into the wind. It makes me feel alive and alert. And still I have enough safety nets that I know will stop me before I crash.

All of the above doesn't mean that it will be a walk in the park. Life is still life. People are still people and I'm still me. Hopefully I will be wise enough to make something out of the chance that I'm given here. If anyone wants to open a bet feel free. I'm willing to coordinate it (I won't participate because I cannot garantee imparitality ;-) ).

hasta manana

longing

2006-02-03T08:56:00.000+02:00

The fact that our world has shrunk (virtually not physically) makes the move here harder. I'm sitting at 2 AM (local time) and listen to Galgalatz through the internet. I read an email from a friend from the bicycle group that I used to ride with every weekend and it brought back up good (very good) memories of things I left behind. Everything is close, but not close enough. It's just out of reach. I can hear it. I can see it, but I cannot touch it. I cannot participate. It's not only the winter that I miss. I miss my dog, I miss my friends. I miss the weekend bicycle rides. I miss a good pasta plate: I eventually will have to cook one for myself as there is no Pasta Mia restaurant in acceptable distance. Maybe I need to change my profession and open a local Pasta Mia :-) But for some reason I don't think that it's feasable right now (will it be ever)?
hasta manana

weather

2006-02-03T06:18:00.000+02:00

A day before I flew out I asked a friend what is the weather like and what kind of clothes should I bring. He told me it's mostly warm and that I should bring summer clothes and 1 long sleeves for those cold nights that happen from time to time. I thought he was exagarating and decided to bring a few long sweatshirts. I could have checked online but as it turns out local weatherman don't really give accurate predictions and the weather forcasting is just black magic that no one takes sersiously.
In the 2 weeks I've been here (well almost 2 weeks) I didn't wear any long sleeves in any of the days. The temperature keep moving between 20 at night to 25 (with a couple of 3o degrees) in the middle of the day. Worst case it turns windy the evening that my skinny friend complains that it's cold. I wish he was right. Just as an example: It's 11:30 PM and the current temperature is warm 22 degrees.
I miss a real winter. I miss enjoying the morning frosty tempertures, I miss rain, I miss the little water pools created by the rain that I like jump into like a little kid. I miss winter.
hasta manana

168 hours

2006-01-28T16:44:00.000+02:00

A week passed. A whole week. There's a saying: Time filies when you're having fun... Am I having fun? Mostly. The majority (and a segnificat part) of the time I am.
I was greeted here with open arms, happiness and eagerness. Even though my friends forgot that I was landing last Friday and once I was out of immegration and customs and I expected to meet them, they were no where to be found. A quick call fixed the problem. They were on their way home from work debating when I'm landing and who is going to pick me up. I beat them and arrived earlier then they expected and they both ended picking me up.
It was a smart move to land on a Friday. Though I didn't suffer from jetlag it did give me the time I needed to relax and enjoy some mellowness before being thrown into the midst of work and it associated pressures. For some reason I expected the people in the office to be older, more mallow and mature. I was pleasently surprised to discover that I'm one of th elders (age wise) in the company. I'm starting to think that there is a generation gap between and it manifistates itself in the fact that the majority of people working in software companies are in th 20 and 30.
It's only been a week since I landed so I'm still not making long term plans and I try not to even think about it. Even though 1 matter has already popped up and I will need to deal with it sooner than expected.
Even though this is not spain....
Hasta manana (don't have an accented keyboard...)

PS - If you think this post is vague, you're not alone. I feel it too ;-)

Almost

2006-01-16T15:16:00.000+02:00

It's almost time. Time to move. In a little more then 48 hours I will be on a plane again to a new location in my life, a new adventure :-) looking for new things, new feelings, new ways to look at the world, new experiences. Slowly but surely I'm starting to get excited. I didn't pay much thought about it until yesterday. It always looked far in the future... Not anymore. I wish my feelings were going haywire in all directions (at least I would have had excuses for whatever I need excuses right now ;-)) like they used to, but I learned to manage them and not let them control me. The one thing that poeple do without thinking was for a control freak unthinkable. My brain keeps them in control. Lets them be felt and expressed but doesn't let them make me lose my head and forget all the chores and errands I have to do before I can put myself on the plane without worrying that I left loose ends. Sure there will be loose ends (and I already know of a couple of them) but not anything I will feel might make the world behind me crumble and be left with nowhere to come back too. I know I'm exagerating but old habits die slow and there was a time that I felt that the world behind me crumbled when I move forward. I will try and make a better job in keeping the blog uptodate by posting as often as possible.
until next time...

Fisterra (part 1)

2004-11-02T19:50:00.000+02:00

Tuesday afternoon I woke up. After 2 and half days of leasure sleeps. Good eating. Good coffee and generally enjoying my time I understood that Santiago is costing me too much money and if I want to keep going I better get off my ass and move on and walk to Finisterra. Just to be on the safe side I joined forces with W (Germany) to walk on. We agreed to meet Wednesday morning at 11 in front of the cathedral to start walking. Wednesday morning came and I got ready, excited with the prospect of going back on the road. I got to the cathedral at 10 to 11 and waited. W didn't show up. While I was waiting I was debating with myself weather I was doing the right thing. The bottom line was: Try and then decide. I went looking for him after about 30 minutes only to be told by some other pilgrims that he started walking at 10 :( So I decided to walk alone. On the way out I met M (Swizerland) and we walked together. Sort of: M covered the 780 KM from Saint Jean Pierre de Port in 21 days (half the time it took me)!!! and was walking much better than me. A little after we got out of Santiago there was a small mountain to climb. It also started raining. Everything made me feel pretty miserable and I was trying to remember what atracted me to Camino de Santiago in the 1st place and what ever made me think that keep walking to Finisterra is something worthwhile. But I kept on walking. M slowed down somewhat after that mountain and we walked the rest of the day together. A short distance before the town where the 1st albergue was it started pouring rain. M stopped and I kept walking. When I was in the albergue that evening I remembered what made every day (and including this one) worth while. The people and the time you spend together is something that would make me walk to the end of the earth for :)
Hasta mañana

Santiago (part 2)

2004-11-02T19:29:00.000+02:00

The following was written last week's Tuesday night (before I left to finisterra) ...
As time passes people are starting to leave and go home to thier subversive lives that each and every one had before starting walking Camino de Santiago. It's Tuesday night and the only people still left from a very long list of people that became my friends for life can be counted on 1 hand and even they will be leaving in the next few days. It's sad when something special ends. It's harder when something unique ends. It's hard to grasp when the memories, feelings, experiences that I passed in the month and half can't be put in a just a few words. Shirley MacLaine and Paulo Cuelo wrote a book about it (I won't). T (Belguim) asked me a question: Will I recommend it to others. My answer: Yes, but the 1st time has to be done alone, because than you are alone and exposed to the coltural micro cosmos that has developped around it.
Along the camino the subject of the camino, the reason for doing it, what feelings have developped and what was learned was often the main topic of a conversation. Obviously the answers are different and diverse as the number of poeople talking about it :)
All the people I met on the way either did it more than once or said that they will do it again. Obviously each time will be different from the previous/next ones but the colture of the camino won't change a lot. Hopefully.

getting there and back

2004-10-26T18:31:00.000+02:00

After being in Santiago (de compostela) for the last 2 days resting, passing time and mainly pondering on the direction I have to take now that the standard pilgrimage ended. I had/have 3 choices:
1: Stop hiking and go back to Israel directly. Find the 1st flight I can find to Barcelona or Madrird and from there to Israel.
2: Stop hiking and go visit my relatives in Italy: Find the cheaper flight to Barcelona/Madrid and from there to Milan to visit my aunts. They haven't seen me 18 years and now they get me twice in the same year (either too little or too much ;) I already spoke with them and they all gladly welcome me.
3.1: Take a bus to finisterra. See the place and get a bus back to Santiago.
3.2: Take a bus to finisterra. See the place and walk back to Santiago.
3.3: Keep walking to Finisterra be there a couple of days and than take a bus back.
3.4: Keep walking to Finisterra by taking the walk around to Muxia 1st, then down to Finisterra. Stay there a day or 2 and walk back to Santiago.
3.5: Any other variation of getting to Finisterra and Muxia and back (too tired to think of all the options, but they did cross my mind at some point in time).
Option 1 was never taken seriously. It's simply to early, too soon to be back in Israel. The bigger issue was that I don't know when (if ever) I will be able to come back here to walk to finisterra. Option 2 was considered on Sunday After I got to Santiago and was totally tired, aching and satisfied. But after resting a little option 2 went the way of option 1. Taking a bus to Finisterra was dismissed bacause it would me I will be doing totally the tourist thing and missing the main attraction of Finisterra: The way there. What is left is any of the variations of getting to finisterra walking. Since I try not to be a control frick (and freaking on the way), try to force a course of action long before I need to make the decision I don't know what variation will materilize. I hope that the one I will do is: walk to Finisterra via Muxia. Stop in Finisterra for a day or two and than walk back to Santiago.
Hasta mañana.

The last day

2004-10-24T20:23:00.000+02:00

After barely sleeping last night (the night between Saterday and Sunday) I got up at midnight only to discover that it was pouring rain outside. I tried to move my arm and head and discovered that some arm movements are possible but the head is pretty stuck looking forward. I started to try and move my arm more and more and successfully restored most of arm movement possible. Went back to bad around 1AM only to discover that lying down is more painful than to be up. I kept myself in bed until 7AM hoping things will change. The only thing that changed was that it stopped raining. I was in the same condition as I was when I laid in bad at 1AM. I setup my backpack with 1 hand and barely looking at what I was doing but it worked. Having my backpack on my back turned out to be not a big deal after all and I decided to walk the last 22 KM. As a precaution I decided to walk with a german guy I met (at 67 it's that 5 time he's walking the Camino de Santiago :) and copied the phone number of a taxi service just in case. As the day progressed it became cloudier. I joked that when it will be noon it will start to rain. W (the german guy walking with me) said that once we will reach Monte de Gonzo it will start to rain. We reached it at 12 and just as we joked about it, it started pouring rain as if someone just decided to turn over buckets above us. I kept walking all the way to Santiago and eventually reached the cathedral. Once I was in front of it nothing really mattered. Not the rain, not the cold weather, not the fact that I was drenched from inside and outside, not that my sholder and neck were about to kill me. I was filled with happiness, joy, calm and satisfaction: I reached Santiago de Compostola (don't confuse it with Santiago, Chile). After 40 days of walking and going through a life's experience I've finally reached my original destination. I started understanding why and what the mid eval pilgrims felt when they reached the place (and for them add true belief in the cause). I don't know if I will go on to finisterra. I will give my self a day or two to think about it. So stay tuned. Hasta mañana

The day before last

2004-10-24T20:06:00.000+02:00

It all started with the fact that I didn't want to stop walking after 14 KM in a town called Melide. 14 KM is simply too short a distance for me to even think about stopping. T the belgian decided that he's going to stop there and wait for his girl friend that decided to stop early the day before because everything got wet when she decided to go look for chestnuts in pouring rain (go figure ;) I decided to go on walking another 15 KM. I was sworn that in once I'm in Melide that I will stop and eat Pulpa in this famous place (I'm not posting the name because I simply don't remember it). Pulpa is simply octopus for Spanish people and is considered a delicatesen here. I did, and it was good. Pulpa was served on a big wooden dish deeped in oil and spices. It was so much that it was hard to move after it but I kept walking. After 12 KM I decided to stop in the 1st pilgrim's shelter (wise choice: The one after was pretty crappy). When Friday came I got up all cheery and happy. Started walking when 1st light struck and I was enjoying the walk. At a certain point I decided to take off my fleece and walk with only my shirt because it was too warm (at 10 degrees I still sweat like a pig). A short while after my left sholder started hearting and little by little it expanded to the point that I couldn't (almost) carry my backpack on my back. At my 1st stop I decided to put my fleece back on, but that didn't help my shoulder. I kept walking like this until the 1st shelter I got too (Actually it was the 2nd). The pain only intesified once I stopped and spread to my neck. Any left arm or head movement was pretty impossible. Luckly I have a friend who is a doctor and once he finished his medical school he was appointed to be my personal doctor (without his consent, but he didn't have a choice any how). A couple of phone calls later and I had in my hand a medicine based on Iboprufen and 'Voltaren Emulgel' bought in a pharmacy. The pain didn't go away and I barely slept in the night.

The number

2004-10-21T17:31:00.000+02:00

Before I started walking my dearest of friends D told me that once I will be done with the Camino de Santiago I will come back half Paolo (I don't see a problem with it). After I was asked a few times how much weight I lost. I finally went into a pharmacy and weighed myself. The scale finally stopped at 92 KGs (it's an electronic one ;). That was in Leon, almost 2 weeks ago. Another pilgrim that I have not seen for the past 3 weeks and saw again last night had the following reaction uppon seeing me: Something is different about you: "Oh, you don't have glasses"(I put my glasses back on my nose :) and her reaction changed: "You shrunk. Did you forget to eat since I last saw you?". I actually eat everything I want. I don't eat everything that is in front of my face (hope this habbit will stick). I currently don't know how much I weigh and when I pass a pharmacy I get tempted to go in and check, but I don't want to make it an issue and don't want to turn it into an obsession. I still have a belly and still am fat (but that is more a psychological problem than a physical problem) but less than what people remember me. If you are trying to picture me in your head add a beard (I didn't shave since I flew out of Israel :) I sometimes what I will need to do in order to keep this up instead of walking 20+ KMs a day. Suggestions are welcome (Except the gym ...). Maybe I need to keep hiking and be a pilgrim for the rest of my life ;) The bigest difference of weighing less is that tying my shoe laces and clipping my feets' toe nails now is an effortless thing.
Probably there are other things that weighing less has impacted but nothing is as obvious as the 2 exmaples just given.

Finisterra

2004-10-21T17:18:00.000+02:00

The romans believed that the world ends in finisterra and there is nothing beyond it (oh well, they also believed that the world is flat). A while ago everytime we (me and the group of people I was with back then) used to get up to start walking (in the morning or after a break) I'd start singing: "Vamos a la playa ..." (which is the only song I know in spanish, well sort of know). We went by a group of other pilgrims and I sang to them the song. They looked at me as if I was crazy, so to convince them without thinking about it I told them that I'm actually walking to finisterra and not Santiago. It stuck with me ever since (Santiago doesn't have any special meaning to me, unlike the majority of pilgrims that are Catholic christians). Some pilgrims I spoke with on the way adopted my idea and will go on to walk to finisterra. The distance is 3 more days of hiking (and if you are trying to calculate it how much it is in the metric system: 90 KMs). It has to be done in 3 days because there are only 3 albergues (pilgrim's discounted hotels) on the way between Santiago and finisterra. Yesterday I learned there is another place worth to walk to at 24 KMs from finisterra, so I might add another day of walking.
If you are trying to think what it means to walk 90 (or 114) KMs more than please look at it from the point of view that I already walk 700+ since I started on September 14th. Makes it look totally different. There are other means of getting to these places (bus) but that takes out the fun of getting there and being there (at least this time on this trip).

65 KM milestone

2004-10-21T17:08:00.000+02:00

The final legs of Walking Camino de Santiago are here. I have 65 KM to reach Santiago. On Sunday when I was in Ceibreiro (The starting point of Galizia in the camino and about 130 KM away from Santiago) it hit me: I'm about to finish the camino. The 1st time I thought of it, it cought me by surprise. I don't want this to end :) I've got acustomed to the pilgrim's way of life and learned to love it. It isn't simple and sometimes isn't nice (walking in drenching rain and weating like hell is one such situation that comes to mind). Going from one place to another every day. Meeting new things, people customes, things to eat and drink ... gives strength to start walking everyday again and again reguardless of how far and for how many hours you walked the day before. But like anything in life things end. Things change (I hope I did ;) It will take me about 2-4 days to walk it depending on the weather and my will to walk for hours. After that: Read the next post ...

Leon

2004-10-11T18:40:00.000+02:00

After a day of rest in Leon I decided I needed to continue my walk (I reached the conclusion that my pilgrimage starts in Leon) to Finisterra. So I started walking a little late on Saterday morning (damn laundrmats). After going through the town and almost on the way out I felt like it will be raining in the afternoon and not having the right gear for long walks in the rain I decided to stay in a 3 star hotel for the night. The feeling of having your own private room with your own shower after more than three weeks of communal refugios was unbelievable that I started it with a 3 hour sleep. The extra day in Leon turned out to be a very good decission. I met some people that I didn't meet for more than 2 weeks. We went around town having a lot of fun. I also found a book shop that sold decent books in English (a hard thing in spain) and ended up buying 'catcher in the rye' and another Diamond age (cyberpunk si-fi ...) In the evening I went to the cathedral to hear organ (UGAV) concert that they were having. Leon cost me both physically and financially (100+ Euros) but was worth everything. It's one of those places that make me think if I want my home to be there (a few more places were: New York, Quenca in Ecuador, Rome). I didn't give myself time to find an answer so it's probably not.

love

2004-10-07T18:42:00.000+02:00

Love can be an amazing aphrodisiac or a very painful toxin. When Love is good I give in willingly and whole heartedly. Lower all my shields and trust the other side that she actually has the very rare altruist "good will" (I know that it doesn't really exist, but it doesn't mean I stopped looking for it). When it fails and the good feeling turns into a bad one. The aphrodisiac turns into a toxin. I want to run away. Hide in a closed and dark corner that no one knows about and where no one will come looking for me.
Love pops up in the most unexpected places with the most unexpected people.
When love is rejected the aphrodisiac quickly becomes a toxin and removing it is a very (but _very_) painful. I believe that there is a way to turn the toxin into back into an aphrodisiac. Never had the chance to check/test this belief.
When love is an aphrodisiac life is like living in a dream. On the way up everything looks possible. Everything is very colorful and colored in beautiful colors (the perfectionist in me wants to add: but still far from being perfect). It creates expectaions which sustain and grow over time.
When love is a toxin all expections disolve and disappear. There won't be anymore. There won't be any stronger. The way up turns into a slippery slope of going down. Every breaking system available fails. All lights that on the way up lighted the path now light me, blinding and hurting in their strength.

I fell in love with a girl on Camino de Santiago.
It came from nowhere, unexpected. In the days that it was an aphrodisiac it was amazing. Being with her during the day made everything else look secondary. Then one night everything blew up. I saw her with another guy from the group (all sex perverts: not intimately). Suddenly even the moon light looked bad. The next day I decided to leave early to open a gap between me and her. After a few days of walking quickly ahead she reached the town I was staying in. Because there was no free beds in the shelter I was in she went to the other shelter in town. I wanted to see her, but was scared to meet her. I missed her. I was angry at her (by no fault of hers). I want to explain why one morning I got up and left only with the answer: "Maybe, maybe not". To the question: "Will I see you again?" (futile thing). I want to smile. I want to laugh. I want to goof around. I want to feel happiness inside. But all I had/have is/was a hole inside. Something is missing. I try to deal with the feeling but I fail miserably. A few days later a few towns later, I met another woman from the group. She told me she was having a lot of fun and I'm in agony. When I first found out she will be reaching the same place I wanted to run and hide. Eventually I found the power to go around the town and hoping I will bump into her. I didn't. A few days later I met other girls from the group in an other town I was staying in. They asked me where I disappeared to and I told them I decided to walk alone. When they asked how I am, I answered: "So, so. For personal reasons". In both shelters I ended up sitting at the entrance until they closed the doors at 10 (after which you can't get in or out) hoping she will come to my shelter to meet me. Once in a while someone went through the entrance. My heart quickened. I got tensed only to discover it's not her.
There is a whole world of people enjoying and rejoycing. Enjoying to share and reshare. I'm closed in my lonely dark corner trying to get rid of the toxin. The trick is to release and let go. So I try to release and let go of everything that comes to mind but the toxin is still there promising that when she will be around it will instantly turn into an aphrodisiac. When love is a toxin this little promise claims that it is the only game in town for the feelings of security, warmth, happiness and will. Without it the feeling is as if I was a vagabond stuck in one place. Drifting in Camino de Santiago day after day.
I expect the impossible that only happens in shmaltz movies.

Day 23

2004-10-07T17:37:00.000+02:00

After walking 39 KM yesterday I thought that even though I might be more tired than usual it won´t be very dificult to walk 21 KM to Leon (not a usual walk in the park, but I did more times than I remember and it has become a habit). But my feet had other ideas and made it clear very early that they did´t feel like walking today. I did think of taking the bus from the next town into Leon, but wanting to be a real pilgrim, not use modern transport systems, opted to walking. Bottom line is: I made into Leon, but it took me 6 hours and 1 hour of rest half way because my feet were screaming at me to stop.
The day started with a phone call from my sister telling me that my dog (Schori) is depressed to the point of calling the SPCA (TZAR BAALY HAIM) to put an end to it. Tiredness affects me in many ways and one of them is taking my spirit down to wonder in the fields of depression. Walking alone added to the misery feelings I had. And as a finale the darkening cloudes looked like it will rain. So with no spirit I started thinking what the hell am I doing here? Why am I torturing myself (well not really, but at that moment it felt like it). Am I having fun? Am I enjoying myself (the post from 2 days ago was written after almost a bottle of red wine so I was under the influence ...) Maybe it's time to call it quits. Since I did stress myself in the last week of walking (I needed to be in Leon before the weekend to do a couple of errands) and tiredness makes me not think straight (same affect of alcohol but in the opposite direction) I decided I will take a day or two off and think about it then. Hasta mañana ...

Day 22

2004-10-06T20:51:00.000+02:00

After an amazing stay at a lovely private shelter on the way I started my day today eager and inthusiastically. Alway a good start. Not always a good ending ;)
After walking 12 KM I reached a fork in the road that point in 1 direction to a little town and in the other along the local highway. Wanting to rest a little I decided to go into town and rest. This is where my "mistake" started. There was no bar in town and no where to sit and rest for a few minutes. A couple of people that were with me at the same shelter passed me and I decided to follow them (Self confidence is somthing I still lack :( After 2 hours of hiking we finally reached the next town. I thought I was walking pretty quickly and it still took me 2 hours to walk 5+ KM. I was wrong. The way was 8+ KM. As it turned out I took the more scenic route of the possible at the fork. The views were indeed amazing. From there I had the choice to stop or walk on between 17 to 24 KM depending on the road. The 2 people I followed told me they will be walking 17 more but my guide showed the only way is 24 KM to a town a little further. Not knowing anyone on the road (very few took the scenic route) I decided to walk with them the extra 17KM (and hoping they didn´t get it wrong). The road we walked on was roman road that went through spain and I think that from time to time you could still see portions of it. As it turned out their guides were better than mine and indeed we found ourselves in the right place after 17KM. All in all I walked 39KM today in 9 hours total. If anyone before starting Camino de Santiago would have told me that I would be walking for 9 hours quickly and walk 39 KM, I would laugh back at him and ask for a better joke. My feet made it clear this is about the last time they let me do this (3 blisters) and a lot of pain (still).
I would like to thank Bernard (France) and Jean Pierre (Swizerland) for pulling me forward today and making me walk as I never knew I could (I was a jobnik in the army ;)

hard life

2004-10-05T21:04:00.000+02:00

It´s been a while (long while: almost 3 weeks) since I last posted an update. I think it´s time I add something for the hurds of readers eagerly waiting for news from me ;)
The life of a pilgrim are a hard one: Walk long distances for hours. Eat bad food in weird places. Sleep under the rainy skies only to have a minimal bush (or tree) for cover. Oh well ...
This might have been the life of a pilgrim in the 1000 years ago when pilgrimage to Santiago started at the door of your home and you had nothing but strong will, 1 set of clothes (maybe 2) and little to drink and eat on the way and you had to count on your faith and the good will of churches and monasteries on the way to keep you going. The pilgrimage of the 21st century is a high tech big business (I´m writing this from one of the stops on the way which is free :) In the mid 1990 there were just above 1000 pilgrims a year. By 2003 there were more 18000 and in 2004 the numbers probably doubled. Why am I writing this??? Because you probably want to know how is it going for the unlikely pilgrim ... Going very well in some parts and interesting on others (to put it mildly ;) and it´s hard to write about myself (old habits die slow: though I´m getting better: I gave someone my camera to take p¡ctures of me instead of me taking of them). The question I´ve been asked most is: Am I having fun? Hell yes :) whould be just about the right question. Not all days are good and amazing. I had some miserable days (being sick at the begining and some others I will post about separately) but summing up: Recommended adventure for everyone. It´s not an easy undertaking: You walk anything between 5 (usually the minimum) to as much as you can (I walked 33 KM today) walking. Mostly on tarmack (asfalt), gravel roads and hiking trails. The reward is coming to a place where you are welcome: in most of them you have to pay a little and in the more traditional ones it´s based on donations (those are the ones I enjoyed more and I donated more than I´m asked in the paying ones). Whalk makes Camino de Santiago so amazing is the people you meet and talk to on the road. They come from all walks of life and from all over the world for different reasons. Real pilgrims (reguarded more as vagabonds now :( normal spaniards that took a few days off to walk a few strechs. People that really started from their door step around Europe and tourist that had nothing better to do (like me).
The daily routine is to wake up: Walk for about half (or more) a day. Reach a albergue or refugio (the more traditional shelter). Have a shower. Wash your clothes, relax and eat dinner (red wine is usually on the table if you want it or not and I got drunk a few times). Sleep and all over again the next day. With the people on the way I had some amazing dinners. Interesting talks about life, beliefs, relgion, history and what not.
Details in future posts ... Hasta mañana

Day 3

2004-09-17T20:26:00.000+03:00

As I woke up and finsihed orginizing I looked at the door to see the day's walk. All in all it was supposed to be a simple, pretty even and level ground all the way from Zubiri to Pamplona. What I didn't take into account was the extra kilo that the shampoo, bath wash (useless buy) and towel make. I also mis understood how tired my feet really are and how the cold I cought adds to everything.
If you are trying to picture the scenery as you are reading this think of a hike in mount carmel in Israel (except for the shape of the houses that look like houses you see in swizerland)
We started to walk at 7:30 and pretty soon my feet started aching. This slowed me down somewhat, but what
really slowed me down were my underware that were cutting me in the groin and hearting like hell. We were progressing at the speed of a turtle walking backwards. Instead of getting to pamplona around 1-2 as planned we got to Pamplona only at 3:30 with me barely standing, not to mention standing.
We decided to stop on the way in a bar to eat breakfest and drink coffee. Unfortunately the bar was on the other side of town from the camino which was not a pleasent feeling but we got there. I had my fleece on and since I was sweating (my t-shrit was already drenched) I was feeling cold so I set inside in the corner hoping to worm up, which didn´t really happen. I finished 1st and thus went out to worm up in the sun. As I was standing there my t-shirt was fuming out my sweat (yhea I know I'm obssesed with sweating and this is one of the reason I don't excersize much, oh yeah I'm also lazy ;) Luckly N suggested I change t-shirts. We kept walking and N decided to stop and meditate so we walked on. The road was never ending (Sitting in the internet cafe now, it doesn't look like much). We passed a couple of picnic parks that I thought would make a good palce to stop for the day and continue the next day. On the 2nd park I decided to remove my underware because of the cuts they were causing in the groin. I thought I would make it as an experiment for a few hundred meters. But it proved itself almost immediately that it was a smart move that I reached the conclusion that I need to buy american style underware (anyone can give me a better name? ) instead of the slips. So all my plans from yesterday to start picking up the pace went down the drain as did my moral. Luckly I discovered the miracle of foot masage and after applying it to my feet I was able to walk a little.
Tomorrow (Saterday I will remain in Pamplona to rest and look for new underware) and I will resume the camino on Sunday or even Monday. It all depends now on my health (cold and feet).

Day 2

2004-09-17T20:07:00.000+03:00

The 2nd days walk is from Rocensvialles to Zubiri about 22 kilometers through amazing mountains, even more amazing woods and open fields. The general direction is down in altitude, but more often that I wanted the path climbed a hill instead of going around it. Still having the scars of the way up of the day before I took it personally every time there was I had to climbe. I don´t get what was going through the head of mideval pilgrims that decided this was the best path to walk to Santiago ...
I woke up at 6:30 and by 7 we were walking (again me, N and Andree) We stopped in the next town in bar to eat a sandwich, banana and drink coffee. Because it was very cold (8 degrees celsius) I had my plastic wind breaker on. After about an hour Andree convinced me to take my wind breaker off and what was underneath was a soaked t-shirt, so I had to change (sweating is suppose to be good for one's health, but I sweath enough for 20 people). A couple of hours later as we were walking through another town I saw a grocery store and deiceded to buy the missing stuff (towel, shampoo) and I added a Dannone (and here was the last I ate this day). We kept walking and it looked like the road will never and. My feet's soals were swolen to the point where I could barely walk anymore. At a certain point we saw our final destination. The sad thing was that the refugio was another kilometer into town. Dispair almost had me. When we got there I took my shoes and and couldn't walk for the next 3 hours. I felt as if walking with Andree was holding me back instead of enjoying the walk in my own pace. So for day 3 I decided that I will walk my own pace and open a gap if she can't stand the pace. I went to sleep at 6PM only to be woken up at 9:30PM because some pilgrims decided to be not so quiet in orginizing. I couldn't sleep untill midnight. I don't know when I fell asleep but until that time the guy in the next bunk was snoring and making the same sounds my dad made on his death bed in the last few hours of his life. Those hours kept flashing in front of me every time I heard him snore. Because outside it was 5 degrees, sleeping outside wasn't an option (even though my sleeping bag is more than capable) but having a cold and sore ears and throat convinced me otherwise.

Day 1

2004-09-17T19:36:00.000+03:00

We finally getting to the interesting part of the trip: The walk to Santiago ...
On the 1st day I woke up at 6AM (not being a morning person, god knows how). Ate some bread jam and had a cup of hot chocolate. At 7 I was ready to start walking with 2 other English guys, but they didn´t wait for me (D: Are these the people you so admire ???). So I got the direction from the owner of the inn and started walking. As it turned out I mis understood his directions and took a wrong turn and walked on the main highway back to Rocensvialles. At 1 point I asked an old lady what is the direction and she told me that the main road goes forward. So I walked forward. A couple of kilometers later a farmer told me I was in the wrong direction :( So I went back and turned where he told me. At the certain point I started seeing other pilgrims, so I knew that I was on the right path. In the 2 hours untill I started seeing the 1st pligrims on the way I felt like giving up and going back to SJPP.
The climb was a killer. SJPP is at around 100 metters. The top pass is +1400 meters and the road to the pass is about 20 kilometers. Do the math yourself. Keeping up with the other pilgrims turned out to be an impossible task so I walked slowly and surely while stopping once in a while to rest and do the tourist thing (taking photos). At 750 meters (I have with me my super watch that has a altimeter, compass, thermometer and barometer) I stopped because there was a fork in the road and not knowing where to go I waited for the next pilgrim. Met an Irish dude and we stopped to eat a sandwich at a refugio a couple minutes later. Why is this little detail important: Because it the only thing I ate all day! And walk on and again I couldn't keep pace with him. At a certain point I met a 65 year old candian retiree and we walked the rest of the way to roncesvialles together. Pulling, waiting and encoureging each other. The scenery was unbelievable. The only drawback was that around 1PM it started to rain. Because the way was hard (almost too hard) I was sweating like crazy. So it turned out that my plastic covers were getting wet from both sides (G: Is this suffering enough for you ?) for the next 3 hours (until the refugio) it was a nightmare. When I got to the Rocensvialles I was soaked to the bone from any possible direction. Not having a shampoo and a towel only made the feeling worse. Luckly the refugio had some free towels and I borowed some shampoo to make myself feel good again. Tried to sleep but since the refugio is 1 big hall with 100 beds (bunks) it was impossible not to hear the snoring ones (for some reason I was not one of them). Basically I tossed and turned most of the night.

END of day 1

day -1

2004-09-17T19:28:00.000+03:00

Because the bus that leaves Pamplona does so only at 6PM we had a whole day in front of us. So we did errands during the day: Sent too heavy stuff ahead to Santiago (see previous post), bought a couple of other things. I did the mistake of sending off the shampoo, towel and sweat shirt before buying new ones and forgetting that Spanish people have a ciesta between 1 to 4,5. So I got stuck without Shampoo and towel :(
We got to Rocensvialles around 7:30 and had to wait for a taxi to come from Pamplona to take us to the 1st station: Saint Jean Pierre de Port. We got there around 8:30 and found a place to stay. A little word about SJPP: Touristic as hell. I remembered that I read online that there was a pizza place there. It was closed. All the other places were too expensive (damn tourists ;) so I went to bed without dinner (for all those that know me: my eating disorder is working in reverse here: I bearely eat).

The good, the bad and the ugly

2004-09-14T15:27:00.000+03:00

I´m on my way to the start of Camino Santiago. In Pamplona (which is also a station on the way) and already I met the good the bad and the ugly parts of a trip.
The good: On my way out of the airport I met an Israely girl that will be walking the camino so we hooked up. When we got to the hostel in Pamplona to stay a night the place was full (100 beds) so there are pleanty of people on the road and I will never be alone. The guy sleeping in the bunk below me was Italian. And the last thing now is taking down the weight of my backpack from 14KG (without water) to 8.5KG. It´s unbelievable how much a towel, shampoo, liquid soap weigh.
The bad: This somehow postpones/cancels the number 1 reason for the trip: Dealing with my fear of abandonmnet.
The ugly: Yesterday in the bus office while I was buying the bus ticket to Pamplona my small backpack was stolen. While there wasn't much in the backpack (rechargable batteries, cell phone charger, couple of books etc ..). I was lucky enough that just before we went to buy the ticket I took out the passport, money and camera. it still iritates and angers to the point that today while we were going around Pamplona from time to time I steamed out by suggeting things like: hit people with my walking sticks, Stealing a trumpet from a statue, breaking and entering closed shops etc ...

the last few hours

2004-09-13T04:41:00.000+03:00

Is it normal to feel: guilt, hope, dispair, affraid, worried and exiliration in the same time when you are about to do something for yourself? There is a small but persistant voice in me that complains on the folly and futile thing I've have decided to do. That I left love ones behind at the mercy of strangers, that there are countless things that need to be taken care of before investing time in oneself can be even considered. My catholic (aka polish) side got a hold of me now. Lets hope I will be able to tame it to let myself enjoy the trip.

T minus and counting ...

2004-09-08T13:25:00.000+03:00

T time is on: Monday, September 13th 2004 at 6:40AM. Finally after countless times I postponed (and almost 2 cancellations) the trip I will set out on my quest :)

How I stumbled

2004-08-23T11:43:00.000+03:00

A lot of people asked me how I discovered Camino Santiago. It's a nice story and I feel like telling it :)
Every other week I have a Friday dinner at my sister's mother in law and She's subscribed to Time Europe magazine. It has become a habit for me to sit before (and after) dinner and read the magazine. In one of the issues they grouped a few articles on what do to in Europe with the Summer vacation and one of the articles was about someone who walked "Route France". Feeling the urge to take an extended vacation (but avoiding being part of the hurds) it felt like the right thing to do. The week after I tested the idea on select people ;) and the more I talked about it the more I fell in love with the idea of doing it.
The article can be found on the internet at: http://www.time.com/time/europe/pilgrim/compostela.html

So long and thank you for all the fish

2004-08-10T15:09:00.000+03:00

Last night my old dog Tony died. She was the only dog that was truely mine. All the other dogs I had/have where kinda pushed to my ownership by others. This little difference makes a world of change in the feelings you develop. Not that losing the other dogs or losing dogs in the future won't heart and won't be felt.
The band green day has a song titled: "Good Riddance (Time of your life)". The chorus of the song is:

It's something unpredictable, but in the end it's right.
I hope you had the time of your life.

This summerizes best what I feel right now.
Tony, you'll be missed :(

website

2004-07-18T09:49:00.000+03:00

Last week I found a website dedicated to Camino de Santiago. The URL is: http://www.caminosantiago.com.

Enjoy