Excuses, excuses

A couple of days ago I lost my glasses. Everywhere I looked for them I couldn't find them. They weren't in my living room (either on the couch or the coffee table). They weren't in my room (on the bed, next to it or under it). Since I couldn't find them I went around without them. No big loss since my eye sight is good enough that I don't need them all the time (they were prescribed for TV watching). I have them on all the time because this way I don't forget them and they actually make my eyes (and ultimately me) less tired at the end of the day. I ran the washer tonight, when the cycle ended I started moving the clothes to the drier. It was then that I found my glasses. All that happened was that they went through a couple of cycles of washing. Beyond the fact that they were wet it seems that nothing major happened to them.
There is one issue: Tomorrow morning when I will be in the office people will ask me where I found my glasses. I want to be original and have a good excuse for putting them in the washer.
A friend of mine came up with the excuse: They were dirty. I came up with the excuse: I thought that maybe the washer will be able to remove the scatches from the glass. Neither is very good. So I'm looking for good excuse for putting my glasses in the washer ... The person with the best excuse wins a dinner at Pasta Mia :-)


hasta mañana

Belong

Belonging is a simple thing. We don't notice it but we always belong. We are always a part of a group (either by right, by choice or neither). We belong to a family. We belong to a class in kindergarten and later in school. We belong to a group at work. We belong to dozens of social groups through out our life. We simply belong.
Even though I belonged (and still do) to various social groups, I never felt that I really belong to the group. There was/is always a but ... I always was (and am) on the side. Belonging, but not really belonging. Even with my family there is doubt (at least on my side) to my belonging (it's a long history that I will spare from the reader). All my life I've moved between groups trying to fit in. Trying to belong. I never found a social group (to date) that I unequivocally felt that I was a part of. That I unequivocally Belonged to (and I apologize to all my friends that now feel betrayed).
As a grownup I turned it into a mission to find a place that I belong. I would practically give anything (and go to infinity) and beyond (:-)) for/to someone that would make be feel unequivocally belong.
I'm trying to think what does this belonging equate to? What is that illusive belonging that I'm spending my life looking for it and not finding it. Giving myself at the hands of others in return for that unknown belonging. If I don't know what it is, will I be able to recognize it when I find it? Or am I doomed to be a pilgrim of sorts looking for something I don't even know what it is?

hasta mañana

almost

It's been a long time since I wrote here ... Too long a time (as some accented people would say). It's not that nothing happened to me or that I didn't have anything to write about. The contrary is the truth. Too much was happening to me that I had to put some things on hold. One of those things was myself. I put everything that is personal and private on hold which meant also the blog was on hold :-(

BIG MISTAKE.

The one thing I learned hiking across Spain and vowed never to forget, I forgot. All the checks and balances that I put in place to make sure that this will not happen failed. Maybe this is why a week ago I longged so much to go back to hiking, and specifically hiking Camino de Santiago. Yep, the same exact path.
What made the difference that suddenly I feel like I woke up? A few things:
1. My boss called me in and told me he was worried I was burning myself. Up to that point I didn't even consider it (I told myself it's just a temporary thing and it will pass). But since he brought it up the issue I started looking into it. I didn't like what I found and it wasn't easy to admit it.
2. I started gaining weight to the tipping point of not caring about it. It was more important for me to satisfy my cravings than to watch out for my weight. This means only one thing: The situation was spiraling out of control.
3. One of the things that my boss prides itself is that we are more like a family than a work place. There was a family event (for him). I was not invited. It was a punch right in my face. It hurt, it still does, and it will keep hurting until I tell him about it (I hope I will tell him, that is). It hurt because I put myself totally in his hands. Letting go of any self control and when I needed proof that I'm not alone here I didn't get it. I don't know if it was intentional (as someone I know would say) or not. It doesn't really matter. All the old daemons of childhood neglect came up this weekend and made me feel like I was alone in the world. The feeling only intensified by the fact that there is bad weather outside and my car is in the shop. So I'm stuck at home.

Time to regain control of my life. I am after all a control freak.