Selfishness

I left behind in Israel a beautiful Belgian shepherd dog that I really love. My original plan was to find a place of my own and bring him over to stay with me. In the last couple of weeks I've been looking for a place of my own in Ernest. It turned out to be trickier than I thought. Most rental places accept people and small dogs (up to 10-15 KG) or are too expensive for me to afford (private house with a fenced backyard). In the time I've been looking I started contemplating about finding my dog an alternative home and find myself a place without him. Scraping of my original plan. Last Friday, I found a place that is perfect (and my friends and boss agreed with me): A small house with a big fenced backyard. The rate is just as the edge of my capabilities. Up to here it sounds like my original plan is about to come true. I started thinking about what it means to bring him here. What it would be like for him here. I remembered what it was for him when I live in Israel: He was mostly alone and bored. I didn't give him the best life he could get. I didn't maltreat him either. I did sometimes mistreated him by putting myself and my enjoyment before his needs: Like having him inside the house for very a long time (from the morning to the late in the evening when I got home) or having him tied to a rope in the yard. The guy that is taking care of my house and dog in my absence is telling me that my dog is really happy and having a great time with the new arraignment. I know that there is probably an exaggeration in his description, but it does raise the question whether my dog will be better off with a new home in Israel rather then here with me. Somewhere in my life I reached the following understanding: I want the best thing to the ones I love. It's a simple statement and a lot of people say it. But all those people don't understand or see the full picture of the sentence. They don't take into account that their personal needs and the needs of the ones that they love might be (and usually are) different and/or contradicting. Situations where such a contradiction exists end up in a fight. I don't like fighting and not for some altruistic reason but for the reason that I don't know how to fight (the word wimp comes to mind ;-)) so I try to avoid it. Sting sings the following: "Free, free, send them free. If you love someone ...". He's right. And it's a hard thing to do. But fighting isn't the point here. The point is where would my dog have the best life? Here with me or in a new home? Will I treat him better here (I really want to) and he will have a very good life here, or will I treat him the same (I'm still me, for better or for worse) and he will have a boring life that he won't enjoy that much? In Sting's song words: "Send them free..."? It all boils down to should I be selfish or altruistic? I wish feelings were something straight and simple. That the shades of gray would be more obvious.
It's Sunday morning (well the morning is almost over) and deep into the weekend. Time to stop over thinking about it and start living and do things....

Hasta maniana

A (decent) pasta plate

In the time I've been here, I've been looking for an Italian restaurant that prepares a good pasta plate. I had a couple of disappointments in local Italian restaurants. I don't know why but for some unknown reason the local Italian restaurants are owned and run by Latin people and I excuse me for, maybe, being racist (and I apologize if I am): What the heck do they know about Italian cooking? Nothing! And the food produced in the restaurants I visited was an example of that (there was 1 exception last week where the food was very good, but I didn't eat pasta there). I've developed a test to see whether a restaurant is a good Italian restaurant. It's called the carbonara test. I simply order a plate of pasta with Carbonara sauce (includes meat, so it isn't kosher and unsuitable for vegetarians). According to the taste of that plate I decide whether the chef knows what it means to make a good pasta plate. Today I had to run some errands, after I finished them this morning I decided to start looking for a place of my own. So even though it was a beautiful day outside, and I was offered outdoor activity, I stayed in and went through the classifieds looking for $HOME (yes, it's a geeky joke :-)). At a certain point I was hungry so instead of going out and grab junk food I decided to prepare myself a pasta plate. I admit I did some shortcuts (that are a disgrace to anyone claiming to be Italian like me): The pasta was Barilla and the sauce was bought too. 15 minutes after I started cooking I had a pasta pomodoro plate ready. After the first bite a smile of content took hold of my face and it grew as kept eating, enjoying it more than I could imagine I would enjoy a pasta plate. I made enough for 2 people. My friend walked in just as I was about to start eating, I offered him a plate, but he refused. His loss/my gain. I ate everything and I would have eaten more if there was more ready. I was feeling so good with myself that I even washed the dishes and cleaned the kitchen immediately after. From decision moment to finish time the whole thing took 30 minutes, but every second in those 30 minutes was bliss and heaven. I finally ate a good pasta plate that I was missing so much.
My second friend here announced that he will start bring food from home to work (diet, money and time saving are all good reasons to do so). I think I will join him and prepare pasta for myself a couple of times a week and bring it in, instead of going out for lunch.
In the time I've been here and have been disappointed from the local Italian restaurants I started day dreaming about opening a local Pasta Mia here. Maybe it's not a bad idea after all :-) As anything in the world: Time will tell....
BTW: If you think that I'm problematic and picky about eating pasta. You're right on the money. What can I say I was spoiled at a young age and even though a pasta plate is a simple dish it isn't as easy to prepare a good one.

Hasta Maniana

the soft spot

I have a friend that keeps claiming that every fence has a hole that lets you go through it. In the broader sense of things I say: Everything a soft spot. I have more than 1. Countless more ... :-)
As humans we usually don't pay attention (or worse: ignore and/or refuse to acknowledge)to our soft spots. I'm no different. I did learn lately how one small habit I had back in Israel has turned into a soft spot here: The habit of listening to "Shtikat Hakvishim" (Galgalatz from midnight to 2AM). Now that I'm almost on the other side of the world it's aired at a much more convinient hour: 5 to 7 PM. I try usually to listen to it over the internet. To make my life easier I have a shortcut handy so in 1 click Media player is launched, loading Galgalatz' streaming. In itself there is nothing wrong, though I feel that it is a peculiar habit. The soft spot is in all the by products that arise from listening. Memories and feelings of friends, family, places, things, habits that I miss and won't have (unless I go back to Israel). I will have others, but not those. The strongest feeling is that all those things are behind me and ahead of me there are totally different things: New and exiting. Maybe more, for sure not less. And like Lot and his family I need to look ahead and not back so I won't freeze (even though that is not what happened to Lot's wife). Still the momories and feelings make me want to call and talk with friends and family but I doubt anyone would be happy to jump out of bad only because some is in a different time zone and for him it's not too late to talk on the phone.
Hasta manana

Time difference

I don't know why, but the time difference between here and Israel is not something I seem to remember. It's not something I had ever had a problem with. I always remembered that there is a time difference between 2 place and new how to synchronize with myself with the remote clock when I needed something from the remote location. This escapes me here. I keep forgetting that I'm not in the same timezone and that there is a 7 hour difference. It keeps hitting me everytime I want to talk with my family, friends, take care of open issues that I have in Israel. I have a very small time window in a day and in that time I work (and there are is more than enough of it). I usually try to listen to Galgalatz, which makes it a little funny: They report about rush hour traffic at 10AM (local time) ;-)
hasta manana

looking ahead

Probably I'm jumping the gun and starting to run too soon. Nothing new in my behavior. I know it's not a good habit but I tried in the past to change that. To fight it and be different. Failed every time so I decided to give up and just try to minimize it's effect and when it happens take it in stride and laugh about it. Looking at it from the side I think of it as: A control freak trying to do damage control because he fails to actually control the situation. Too much control ...
It all started yesterday. I received the weekly email from jdate about possible girls that meet my criteria (someone should do a research about computers ability to match expectations and feelings). Obviously the basic criteria is that they are from the region of my new home. I was ready for another empty email. I was pleasently surprised that there were 2 girls that I liked. I checked their profile and I really liked what one of them wrote. Since yesterday I started looking at things around me in a different way: in bright, colorfull way.
Will I act on it? I doubt it. There are too many physical obstacles: I don't have a home, thus I don't have any privacy. I don't have a car and around here without a car you can do very little (but very little). But than again: Obstacles motivate me ... :-)
To make my life easier: I'm opening a contest: The one that will give me a pick up line that I will use in the email to this woman will receive a free dinner at Pasta Mia (and I know the owner so it will happen). Good luck (both to you and me)

the last nail

I don't know if the following is good news or bad news. It depends what on you want for yourself from me. It's a gamble that can succeed or fail and only time will tell. It's a gamble on my life. Luckly failing won't be terminal and on the other hand succeeding doesn't mean bliss either. Last night I nailed the last nail in the coffin inf the pendulum, nerve wracking, emotional rollercoaster of deciding what to do: Stay here or go back to Israel. One of the options was put in the coffin and will be laid to rest in the days to come: I've decided to try my luck here. I've decided to look for my home here. The reasons are few, not very logical (as they are rooted deep into my psyche). Though they are not complex. To poeple that don't know my inner workings they are immpossible to comprehend (I think, I will be happy to be proven wrong). I will try to write them now:
1. Here I have no past. There is no history to hold me back. This forces and motivates me to look forward, dream and do my best to make those dreams come true.
2. I'm in a junction where it is up to me to make it or break it (not only for me, but for a whole group of people). No small feat and a lot of responsibility. Someone actually trusts me! on any (other) given moment I would be cinical about it and try to down play it, but there's this emotion inside screaming (chearfully): I told you it's possible. Finally someone who sees past the crap that I put to keep people away.
3. I have to learn to trust others and accept authority and act accordingly. My 2 primary authority sucked big time and screwed me in ways that will be all my life (I know it's the story of most of human kind, but this one is mine) but I found someone who I feel that I can try this on him and it will actually succeed. If it succeeds than I don't know where the limit will be.
4. It's a gamble and I like to throw myself into the wind. It makes me feel alive and alert. And still I have enough safety nets that I know will stop me before I crash.

All of the above doesn't mean that it will be a walk in the park. Life is still life. People are still people and I'm still me. Hopefully I will be wise enough to make something out of the chance that I'm given here. If anyone wants to open a bet feel free. I'm willing to coordinate it (I won't participate because I cannot garantee imparitality ;-) ).

hasta manana

longing

The fact that our world has shrunk (virtually not physically) makes the move here harder. I'm sitting at 2 AM (local time) and listen to Galgalatz through the internet. I read an email from a friend from the bicycle group that I used to ride with every weekend and it brought back up good (very good) memories of things I left behind. Everything is close, but not close enough. It's just out of reach. I can hear it. I can see it, but I cannot touch it. I cannot participate. It's not only the winter that I miss. I miss my dog, I miss my friends. I miss the weekend bicycle rides. I miss a good pasta plate: I eventually will have to cook one for myself as there is no Pasta Mia restaurant in acceptable distance. Maybe I need to change my profession and open a local Pasta Mia :-) But for some reason I don't think that it's feasable right now (will it be ever)?
hasta manana

weather

A day before I flew out I asked a friend what is the weather like and what kind of clothes should I bring. He told me it's mostly warm and that I should bring summer clothes and 1 long sleeves for those cold nights that happen from time to time. I thought he was exagarating and decided to bring a few long sweatshirts. I could have checked online but as it turns out local weatherman don't really give accurate predictions and the weather forcasting is just black magic that no one takes sersiously.
In the 2 weeks I've been here (well almost 2 weeks) I didn't wear any long sleeves in any of the days. The temperature keep moving between 20 at night to 25 (with a couple of 3o degrees) in the middle of the day. Worst case it turns windy the evening that my skinny friend complains that it's cold. I wish he was right. Just as an example: It's 11:30 PM and the current temperature is warm 22 degrees.
I miss a real winter. I miss enjoying the morning frosty tempertures, I miss rain, I miss the little water pools created by the rain that I like jump into like a little kid. I miss winter.
hasta manana