Belong
Belonging is a simple thing. We don't notice it but we always belong. We are always a part of a group (either by right, by choice or neither). We belong to a family. We belong to a class in kindergarten and later in school. We belong to a group at work. We belong to dozens of social groups through out our life. We simply belong.
Even though I belonged (and still do) to various social groups, I never felt that I really belong to the group. There was/is always a but ... I always was (and am) on the side. Belonging, but not really belonging. Even with my family there is doubt (at least on my side) to my belonging (it's a long history that I will spare from the reader). All my life I've moved between groups trying to fit in. Trying to belong. I never found a social group (to date) that I unequivocally felt that I was a part of. That I unequivocally Belonged to (and I apologize to all my friends that now feel betrayed).
As a grownup I turned it into a mission to find a place that I belong. I would practically give anything (and go to infinity) and beyond (:-)) for/to someone that would make be feel unequivocally belong.
I'm trying to think what does this belonging equate to? What is that illusive belonging that I'm spending my life looking for it and not finding it. Giving myself at the hands of others in return for that unknown belonging. If I don't know what it is, will I be able to recognize it when I find it? Or am I doomed to be a pilgrim of sorts looking for something I don't even know what it is?
hasta mañana
Even though I belonged (and still do) to various social groups, I never felt that I really belong to the group. There was/is always a but ... I always was (and am) on the side. Belonging, but not really belonging. Even with my family there is doubt (at least on my side) to my belonging (it's a long history that I will spare from the reader). All my life I've moved between groups trying to fit in. Trying to belong. I never found a social group (to date) that I unequivocally felt that I was a part of. That I unequivocally Belonged to (and I apologize to all my friends that now feel betrayed).
As a grownup I turned it into a mission to find a place that I belong. I would practically give anything (and go to infinity) and beyond (:-)) for/to someone that would make be feel unequivocally belong.
I'm trying to think what does this belonging equate to? What is that illusive belonging that I'm spending my life looking for it and not finding it. Giving myself at the hands of others in return for that unknown belonging. If I don't know what it is, will I be able to recognize it when I find it? Or am I doomed to be a pilgrim of sorts looking for something I don't even know what it is?
hasta mañana
2 Comments:
I don't feel betrayed. I completely understand the feeling, to a point i'm the same way...I also strive to belong and it might be staring me in the face and I can't see it.
I do belong to my family...but that's not enough for me...and I have some issues with it also.
Maybe you don't really need to belong. As you said, you have your friends, and you have your family, even if you do not always feel like part of the pact. I know for a fact that your friends value you for who you are, and your friendship for what it is. If this is belonging, then fine, you belong. You can never be completely part of a pact, because you are unique. You will never find a group of people who are exactly like you, because there is only one of you. I don't think you are looking for a tribe, I think you are looking for a way of coming to terms and being happy with what you already have.
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