sleepless

When I lived in Herzlia I used to be sleepless. It would be very hard for me to put myself in bed and fall asleep. I would put myself in bed only when I felt exhausted and fall asleep in front of the TV, very late at nigt. I used to think that it has to do with me being a night owl. But recent months disproved this theory. I always was more than happy to put myself in bed when I felt I was falling asleep or felt tired. Even on the inflatable matress that was my bed in the last couple of months.
I'm temporarily back in Herzlia and I'm at the same situation that was my daily thing for me while I lived here: I'm holding myself from putting my self in bed and sleeping. I don't know what it is, but something is definitly holding me back. I'm tired, there is nothing that atracts my attention and I'm actively looking for something to atract my attention and there is nothing. So I'm just drifiting hoping to find something that will atract my atension without me needing to go to bed. There is something about the house that makes me restless.
I thought on the way that I will feel some kind of connection to the house After all I lived here the majority of my life. But I don't feel any connection to the place. I actually feel repelled by it. I don't want be here. I feel bad about it. I feel like I'm bitraying my memories. Bitraying my parents memories. Drifting in the void of emotional space, not willing to attach myself to anything.