Selfishness

I left behind in Israel a beautiful Belgian shepherd dog that I really love. My original plan was to find a place of my own and bring him over to stay with me. In the last couple of weeks I've been looking for a place of my own in Ernest. It turned out to be trickier than I thought. Most rental places accept people and small dogs (up to 10-15 KG) or are too expensive for me to afford (private house with a fenced backyard). In the time I've been looking I started contemplating about finding my dog an alternative home and find myself a place without him. Scraping of my original plan. Last Friday, I found a place that is perfect (and my friends and boss agreed with me): A small house with a big fenced backyard. The rate is just as the edge of my capabilities. Up to here it sounds like my original plan is about to come true. I started thinking about what it means to bring him here. What it would be like for him here. I remembered what it was for him when I live in Israel: He was mostly alone and bored. I didn't give him the best life he could get. I didn't maltreat him either. I did sometimes mistreated him by putting myself and my enjoyment before his needs: Like having him inside the house for very a long time (from the morning to the late in the evening when I got home) or having him tied to a rope in the yard. The guy that is taking care of my house and dog in my absence is telling me that my dog is really happy and having a great time with the new arraignment. I know that there is probably an exaggeration in his description, but it does raise the question whether my dog will be better off with a new home in Israel rather then here with me. Somewhere in my life I reached the following understanding: I want the best thing to the ones I love. It's a simple statement and a lot of people say it. But all those people don't understand or see the full picture of the sentence. They don't take into account that their personal needs and the needs of the ones that they love might be (and usually are) different and/or contradicting. Situations where such a contradiction exists end up in a fight. I don't like fighting and not for some altruistic reason but for the reason that I don't know how to fight (the word wimp comes to mind ;-)) so I try to avoid it. Sting sings the following: "Free, free, send them free. If you love someone ...". He's right. And it's a hard thing to do. But fighting isn't the point here. The point is where would my dog have the best life? Here with me or in a new home? Will I treat him better here (I really want to) and he will have a very good life here, or will I treat him the same (I'm still me, for better or for worse) and he will have a boring life that he won't enjoy that much? In Sting's song words: "Send them free..."? It all boils down to should I be selfish or altruistic? I wish feelings were something straight and simple. That the shades of gray would be more obvious.
It's Sunday morning (well the morning is almost over) and deep into the weekend. Time to stop over thinking about it and start living and do things....

Hasta maniana